| how many times... |
[06 Oct 2007|02:45am] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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Devil Driver |
] |
can a person's heart break in one lifetime? you would think it could only really happen once because after the first person breaks it than it shouldn't be in working form for it to break again...right?
myspace, pshttttttt...fuck myspace. it's so overrated i think myspace is the anti-christ...before myspace i would get on the internet to check my email and look up shit for school...necessary things. now the first thing every teenager goes to is myspace. fuck school...i've got new picture comments. who needs email when you can get *messages*!? it's just whatever.
&& how does salt protect you?
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| He makes me...cry. |
[22 Aug 2007|01:06pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
The cure for pain is in the pain,
so it's there that you'll find me.
Until again I forget,
and again he reminds me,
"Hear my voice in your head,
and think of me kindly."
Let me be, let me be..
Lowered down like a casket
and buried just below her chest.
"Whatever I was searching for,
it was never you," she says.
The record ended long ago,
we go on dancing nonetheless.
I opened like a locket,
"If you're ever cold," I wrote,
"there's warmth inside me.
I'm the pocket of an old winter coat."
But where she used to say "I need you."
Now...."I don't."
You'd only make the softest sound,
like sugar pouring into tea.
Darling let your Self pour down
and dissolve into the Love
who revealed himself there quietly to me...
(Jesus have mercy on us.)
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| iM bAcK! |
[28 Apr 2005|11:51am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
wow it's been a long time hasnt it? well now i guess i have a xanga and a caleida journal to update daily..hmm i got bored with xanga i guess lol. okay i like this guy so fucking much and we messed around last weekend and now he feels bad about it cause he has a girlfriend so that sucks. but she lives 15 hours away! and never sees her so that's kinda dumb. i shouldn't be talking though because i did the same thing a few years back. but im gonna see this guy tomorrow at the relay for life and i just know something will happen with us again. it just hurts inside because i know he loves this girl to death and he'd never break up with her for someone like me..so that's not cool. and at the same time i feel guilty because he's cheating on her....but we can't help it.. im drawn to him! fuck!
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| new journal |
[10 Dec 2004|10:47am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
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music |
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Lacuna Coil |
] |
yeah i have a new journal on xanga. to get to it go to xanga.com/deadlypunk5. i dont know why everyone likes xanga journals more than caleida. i like caleida much more and that's why im still gonna use this one. well i had a bad night last night and im not gonna get into to it but basically, me and bob had it out (my stepdad) and my mom was no help. oh well, what else is new anyway? my dad is in the hospital getting his knee surgery done. he's getting it replaced because the other one was done last year. i hope everything goes okay. im a bit worried because it's a very dangerous thing to get done. im not the type of person to pray or anything. but i am. umm..took the english exam this morning. we had to write an essay about this story we were reading. i know i passed it though. i put an extra paragraph in it too. well now i just need to worry about the math exam. one word: geometry! i suck at it and i have to get at least a 71 on it to pass the course. well im still having a bad day as it is. some people in my 2nd period class were taunting me.....i just let it get to me. i shouldn't have. oh well, i should just get used to it because i'll probably have to put for the rest of my life. sucks, huh? well that's life for you. im supposed to go to the movies tonight with some people but with my luck i wont be able to. well im gonna get off this brain washing machine before i corrupt my mind anymore than it already is. later
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| new journal |
[30 Nov 2004|12:33pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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Harvey Danger~Flagpole Sitta |
] |
well i have a new online journal at www.xanga.com/punkangel5 so if you wanna check it out then go ahead. i'll still update this one when i get some more time to. well i gotta get to 2nd lunch because i have to talk to some friends. but dont worry, I'LL BE BACK!!!!
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| a long sad day |
[25 Nov 2004|11:20pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
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music |
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tourniquet |
] |
when im in a relationship i get attached too quick and i made that mistake while i wasted my time with andy. im too emotional. i cant explain exactly what happened but im heartbroken and it's not going away. i've been sick all day. i cant eat and all i do is think about him. im so hurt i dont know where to start. so i wont start at all. let me just say, i'm never gonna find the right person for me. i'm always gonna get my heart ripped out by someone.
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| yada yada yada |
[23 Nov 2004|11:16am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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8 mile soundtrack: 8 mile |
] |
im just sitting here in the school's library updating this journal and listening to the 8 mile soundtrack. i havent heard from liz since she's been homeschooled. i need to try and get up with her and see how everything is going. well i did go to the play last night and we screwed it up bigtime because corky the clown went onstage and said, "hi im corky, im a ballerina doll!" that's tina's line. and then the cast was laughing so yeah...we messed it up so bad! i think i almost messed up my line but i figured it out. well i still go out with andy and i dont regret it one bit! he's awesome. i still havent kissed him yet because there is always someone else around. i want to so bad though. well i better go and let this girl use the computer. oh yeah, samantha cutler hates me but i'll get over it. it's a long story. oh well i'll talk later peeps
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| andy |
[22 Nov 2004|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Eminem "My name is" |
] |
well guess what everyone? i finally found me a decent boyfriend. his name is andy and i've had this crush on him since i was 13 but he had a girlfriend back then. but i ran into this weekend and so we hung out and he came to see me in the play and now we officially go out. im so happy! yay! it sucked bigtime though because i had to tell frank about it because frank has been calling me trying to restore what we used to have. he sounded upset but he said he's not mad at me. oh well he'll just have to get over it eventually. well i had to put on that christmas play last night at the civics center and it went really well. in other words, we didnt screw it up. and i played the christmas fairy and all these little kids were coming up and hugging me...i felt so special. lol
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| YeS, i Am SiCk! |
[16 Nov 2004|01:30pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
ive been out of school for the last 2 says because i am pretty sick. i have the worst soar throat and cough and it sucks. i'd rather be in school than have to put up with this. well the play is in less than a week and i've got all my lines memorized, finally! this will be interesting..........
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| individuals |
[29 Oct 2004|11:13am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Marilyn Manson *Personal Jesus* |
] |
it's about time i stopped being a follower and became an individual. i mean, i just want to by myself. that's the best way to go anyway. i guess i just had a wake up call last night. i can't really explain what happened. it just came to me. i'm gonna do what i want when i want. im gonna wear what i want when i want and im gonna say what i want when i want! no more trying to hold anything in. if i feel the need to just fuss at someone or push someone back when they push at me....im going to. these people here in high school dont mean anything to me. they are as useless as wet tampons to me! lol! i guess what im trying to say is...i am an individual person. not a follower of anything! so what is everyone up to this halloween? im going to the haunted clown house, possibly to the movies tonight with some people...im not sure though. well i have to be home by 10:30 pm so i can try to win tickets to see marilyn manson play at the house of blues december 3rd. well wish me luck tonight.
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| cleaning chemicals are bad for you damnit!!! |
[28 Oct 2004|09:25am] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
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music |
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Marilyn Manson |
] |
two days ago i was making some food and i accidenty got cleaning chemicals in it. dont ask how because it is a VERY LONG STORY!!! but i've felt so sick lately. i can barely eat anything without getting really sick! it sucks bigtime!
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| damnit! |
[26 Oct 2004|02:27pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
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music |
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Slipknot *People = Shit* |
] |
i hate everyone today! even you if you're reading this. i spilt drink on myself and im all sticky and wet and pissed off. i feel like shit all over and i've got a headache. i just want to hurt someone right now! die you stupid useless people!!!! FUCK YOU!
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| relationships |
[24 Oct 2004|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
] |
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music |
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Marilyn Manson: Babel Babel |
] |
man i am so sick of relationships! they're all just a bunch of bullshit! one way or the other it's gonna end painfully for the other person ne way! so i say fuck it all!! im tired of getting close to someone and then getting hurt. it's not worth it!
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| dont know and i dont care! |
[22 Oct 2004|10:53am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
haha! im sitting in the computer lab right now with adam. pete hasn't written me back yet so....yeah. pete is so freakin awesome! i cant beleive today is really friday. i thought it was thursday. i am going to go to the movies tonight ot see grudge. kristin is going to. she might stay the night. well i'll write more at lunch in ten minutes because the i need to get back to class. buh bais! oh yeah, im really pissed off because andrew didnt invite me to his party tonight. well fuck him too then!
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| uh oh |
[21 Oct 2004|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
] |
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music |
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†none† |
] |
not again! i've got this horrible feeling inside of me and i dont like it. I feel like i want to cry forever, but i can't. i dont think im ever gonna find someone who understands me. someone who will take care of me and love me. when im around people, i weird them out. they get a bad impression of me and hold it against me. my own friends/associates dont even like me, they can't stand me. they think im just some fake person who does what i do to purposely be different. i dont try to be anything. i dont try at all. im just me. i feel so sick. like i dont know what's happening to me lately. i get these crazy impulses to just end it all for no reason. but i couldnt do that.....nah. everytime i get close to someone or something, i get hurt so bad. i feel like the only person i could ever depend on would be kristin. never has she done anything against me or said anything. well i dont know what else to write. im so tired. i just got off the phone with josh. he's staying with his mom in Fayetteville for the weekend. i dont know what im doing now. i'll probably end up going to the movies friday night by myself or something. i dont care. i should get used to being alone anyway.......i'm probably going to have to face that for the rest of my life.
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| ouch! |
[20 Oct 2004|05:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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AFI *God Called In Sick †oday* |
] |
haha. i stapled my arm, it hurt! damnit! lol! im so bored right now. i had a pretty bad day i suppose. some people at school chose today to be the day to torment me. oh well. life goes on, you get over things, that's the way it is. i did accomplish getting a user icon up on my journal page. that way i can be recognized. yay! it took me awhile to figure out how to do it though. im a bit slow today i guess. i have play practice tonight from 7-9. i missed the last 2 practices and the director got on my case about it. it pisses me off though because i hardly have any lines and im only on stage for 10 minutes out of the entire 2 hours. so why do i have to be there every night!? im aggitated because im failing geometry because im never home to study or do extra work to raise my grade. mabye i should just drop this play. it's pretty stupid anyway. it's about dolls that come to life in the toyshop and go around looking for santa. i have to be the christmas fairy. how pretty! lol! i want to go to the movies this friday night to see "Grudge". it seems scary. i look to be scared. well, im gonna go. i have to piss like a pregnant women!
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| oops |
[15 Oct 2004|11:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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†‡Bad Religion: Broken†‡ |
] |
i accidently hit someone in the nuts and they're so pissed off at me right now. i didnt mean too. oops. my english II teacher made me get rid of the nazi sign on my shirt. i covered it up with pictures i printed of sid vicious and the sex pistols. i think im hanging out out with Josh this weekend. i want to try and go to the movies or something of that sort. hopefully it will all work out. well i must go and do stuff.
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| crazy driver at the wheel; punk rock |
[14 Oct 2004|03:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 silly |
] |
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music |
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†he Ramones: †eenage Lobo†omy |
] |
so last night from 6:45-8:45, i was driving with Mr. Mewbourne (the driver's ed teacher). we were about ten minutes away from northside when this big deer runs right out in front of me. It just about gave me a heart attack! lol! i didnt slam on the brakes or anything, i just tried to slow down enough so i didn't hit it. im glad that deer didnt stop in the middle of the road or anything. i probably would have went in the ditch if that have happened. im really sad that no one is leaving any comments. is anyone reading this? lol! that's a good question. I'm listening the the greatest hits of the 80's. yes, i know im corny but what can i say, the 80's was a interesting time. im so bored. i have to stay after school until Mr. Mewbourne gets here at 3:45. it's only 2:53 right now. so I've got a pretty long wait here in the library. oh well....i'll try to do something educational like read a book or something. you know what? i really really really love some old school punk rock. Like the Ramones, Sex pistols, etc. it's exciting. mabye i should start a band. i've always wanted to play drums. mabye i'll learn.
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| psychotic driver at the wheel |
[14 Oct 2004|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 recumbent |
] |
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music |
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†he A†aris: †eenage Rio† |
] |
so last night from 6:45-8:45, i was driving with Mr. Mewbourne (the driver's ed teacher). we were about ten minutes away from northside when this big deer runs right out in front of me. It just about gave me a heart attack! lol! i didnt slam on the brakes or anything, i just tried to slow down enough so i didn't hit it. im glad that deer didnt stop in the middle of the road or anything. i probably would have went in the ditch if that have happened. im really sad that no one is leaving any comments. is anyone reading this? lol! that's a good question. I'm listening the the greatest hits of the 80's. yes, i know im corny but what can i say, the 80's was a interesting time. im so bored. i have to stay after school until Mr. Mewbourne gets here at 3:45. it's only 2:53 right now. so I've got a pretty long wait here in the library. oh well....i'll try to do something educational like read a book or something. lol! well im gonna go and find something to keep me occupied while i'm waiting. COMMENT!!!
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