In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had, are you cool with just tonight
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Put your name, on the line, along with place and time
Wanna stay, not to go, I wanna ditch the logical
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon

All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more
Don't let me let you go ... Don't let me let you go
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
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i don't know what is wrong with me, i feel so sad and at the same time i feel nothing at all, and i just keep listening to this song again and again. i feel like i miss someone or something, but i dont know what. it could be lauren, it could be david, josh, andrew, samantha, it could be my dad, my uncle john... i don't know, but i just feel alone... i try calling andrew and he never picks up the phone anymore, he told me that i was the only person that he liked talking on the phone because i was the only girl he had ever met who could make him smile the way i made him smile... and then one day he just stopped calling and when i try to make plans, they always seem to fall through because he never calls me back, or something comes up. and samantha hated that i was friends with him, then she went and became a whore and nearly had sex with him in the ditch behind the school, and i felt hurt because she said that she was trying to get back at me. she thought that i liked andrew but i didn't he was just my friend...no, he was more than a friend, he respected me and hugged me when i cried and made me not feel so guilty about lauren, when he broke up with samantha she got mad at ME and called me and told me that i betrayed her just like i betrayed lauren.. i told her to fuck off and i hung up, i called andrew crying and he called her up and told her to leave me alone because i was not the reason that he broke up with her. samantha hasn't always been so damn dysfunctional, she cut herself twice when she was on the phone with me! and a couple times when she was on  the phone with andrew, she is a handful with all these faulty attempts at suicide.. it makes me sick, she is so spoiled and here she is dying her hair black and copying my ever move, why doesn't she just change her name to Nickolette so we can call it quits!!! because i would rather be anyone else than me... the other day she asked me if i was still friends with andrew and i told her yes, and she said 'well fine, you go ahead and be friends with him, and i will be friends with david and lauren' we hung up and i just cried, i looked through all the old pictures of me and lauren and david and kyle, i looked at uncle johns picture from the funeral program paper... i looked at all the old pictures of me, never smiling, all the smiles just looked fake, i looked so scared all the time, i looked at pictures of me and emily and devyn and everyone... i missed them all, but at the same time i hated them, because they all left me and told me that someday things would be better.. but they just left me here to rot. so that what i'm doing, all i wanted to do was listen to my music and sit in silence, sipping on cyanide. i don't want this anymore, i don't want this life, just take it away from me and bury it. somewhere where no one will ever look, erase me from all the people i have hurt or been hurt by's lives, just forget me... everyone else does it. before josh and i started dating, he came over on a friday night to samantha's house because i was staying there for the week because my mom and kurtis and jared were in texas, and samantha overdosed and i had to call 911, and the ambulance came and i just sat there crying and watching my life fall apart more and more everyday... it's a horrible thing to see. they didn't have to take her to the hospital but we all went to bed, samantha had a huge bed and she was on the far right and i was in the middle and josh was on the left and he put his arms around me and just held me and i fell asleep, and i felt so perfect...

X†xPennyx†X