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u rEAdin dA wOnderoUs liFe of aMy dA haPPy lil elf.
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| Saturday, July 5th, 2008 |
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yes. i shouldn't have asked you to just let it go. that shit takes time. i had no right. i know the reason why you consider me your child, is my fault. and mine alone. and yes, i prolly think to much about it. talking about it doesn't help. actions speak louder than words. i'm an effin slacker. i'm sorry. and i guess i'm hoping that now that i have a job, you'll just let it go. i fucked up. i feel bad. it's easier if you let it go. but it'll never happen. cause i happened. it's a good idea for you to go to texas. i don't know why we're still friends. it confuses me to this day. i appreciate it all. the memories. the showers. the food. the rides. the pot. whatever. i can't take back how i've fucked up. and yes, i still keep fucking up. do better than me. go to texas. this is my goodbye. i get it now. G'day. |
| Sunday, January 27th, 2008 |
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i think i can say rue means no harm in yelling at the cats among other things... but it seems so mean to me. and sometimes i wish i had let loki go to the pound. but he's growing on me. and i really don't want you moving in. your not a taste i will ever aquire. and i'm a broke effer who can't afford a movie. or dinner. just coffee. but that's okay. i <3 coffee. i wish kye was still here. and i wish i could go back to that one fantastic year of my life. everyone got along. everyone was like a family. it was amazing. but all is lost. all my fillers are gone either to drugs or stupid bullshit. fuck them all. they failed me. in atleast one way or another. need to quit smoking. throat is dieing. and i don't plan on meeting keving anytime soon. i wish he cold come back to me. or atleast to the people he really cared about. the good ones are always taken... G'day. |
| Monday, May 21st, 2007 |
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i'm sitting here feeling extremely awkward... not that this dilema doesn't rear it's ugly head on a dialy basis, but that's not the point... i guess i just hate being stuck in this position. i don't want to bother you, your sleeping... but i know i'm tired and i want a bed to sleep in... i'm drastically considering walking back to my apartment so i can have atleast a couch to sleep on for i am growing my tired with the passing minutes. but if you were so dead set on not letting me walk to the gas station, would you be against me walking home? more than likely. and that could cause an awkward situation. i hate those things. i try to avoid them at all costs... damnit. and i hate feeling silently embarrised... wow... butchered spelling... anyhow... i guess i just fail. decision is all my own. now to make it... yo... |
| Monday, March 13th, 2006 |
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| Boom shaka laka BOOM! "Sandy don't let your pussy lick your fingers and then eat it!" "mary turner your so OFF my top 12 list" bitches... nothing more to say. random comments from tonight. fuck off. G'day! |
| Saturday, February 4th, 2006 |
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| you think you know me but you dont so shut up and back the fuck off because your words mean nothing anymore. your a failure. and if you want to hit me then just do it cause im sick of you. |
| Saturday, January 21st, 2006 |
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| life is a hole and i just keep falling deeper into it... |
| Sunday, January 1st, 2006 |
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fuck you! your a waste of air. |
| Tuesday, July 26th, 2005 |
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| so i was sitting here thinking that if the movie people can come up with a movie called the adventures of shark boy and lava girl then i can make a comic called the adventures of pencil man and eraser boy. im not shure what they are going to do yet but i decided its going to be stupid and funny... or it will be to me and i will make it a series and hang them on my walls. a secret passion? i guess you could call it that... or just some weird brainy idea of a bored highschool kid... yah... we'll go with the weird idea thingy... so yes.. that is all i have to put in this one. now i will go check on Sir's journal... good day. |
| Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 |
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ive got a lovely bunch of coconuts... teedley-tee... here they are a standing in the road... bum bum bum... big ones... small ones... some as big as your head... so now that ive burst out in song i can get on with the updating... hmm... yup... thats good considering all the rest of my thoughts went on xanga... ya. im done. so... g'day. |
| Tuesday, July 12th, 2005 |
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| well im a little more than slightlty annoyed at my family for being bitches and not saving me any subway. yes there is another sandwich in the fridge but my dad has claimed it as his own with a note saying that its for his lunch tommorow... is it so god damn hard to save me a sandwich? huh? is it? apparently it is fuckers... that god damn sandwich looks good. your all a bunch of bitches. ehh... go suck on a triscuit! good day!! |
| Thursday, July 7th, 2005 |
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i liked this poem i read in spencers and i found a copy of it outside on the ground so i took it.... nah nah nah i lied.... i so stole that thing but i figured it was just a piece of paper and they are copied in the thousands and no one is gonna miss it but that makes me feel bad that i told my mom i found it cause i lied to her but i didnt just want to tell her flat out that i stole it. then she'd hate me hardcore... well prolly not hate me but be dissapointed. but anyway here is the poem.... Remember When......... In Days Gone By, Roses of Red Delighted Your Eye? Well, Now You Are Older And The Roses Are Black And You're Not As Delighted When You Hear Your Bones Crack What We're Tryin' to Say Using Cute, Witty Prose Is Your Petals Are Drooping You'll Soon Decompose! A Look On The Bright Side, Would Be Your Best Bet... If Your Reading This Card YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET!! yes i found that very intreaging and i thought i would share it with the one person who reads this journal... you know who you are.... azn.... but yes... about my day... i talked with Sir... i guess he finds it annoying when i put myself down by saying im fat or ugly cause he doesnt think i am but when i get in an emo type mood its become a habbit to do so. and in the back of my head i dont see how anyone can see me as pretty or wonderful or any good at all. i try to blame all this on my dad cause he tells me this atleast every time he sees me just to make shure i remember. shit like that really gets on my nerves. but yes ill not change his mind till im doing everything he thinks i should do the way he thinks i should do it. conformity i guess. he'll never change his mind. im a failure to him so i gotta accept that. but yes Sir and i had that talk and he told me how he felt about that and i told him that for the past few days it seems hes been getting mad alot and storming off and i thought it was cause of me but he reasures me it isnt. i guess im to self conscience about what he thinks and i dont want to lose him cause deep down im afraid i will cause it seems i lose everyone i care about at times or all together but i wont go there. And it made me feel really good when i got home that Sir left me that movie and the necklace and a note saying he was sorry he'd been getting mad and that he loves me. i thought that was cute. im so wearing that necklace right now! ^.^ call me a freak all you want it means alot to me and im not taking it off... but yes... new topic... i got a ride home from lily tonight and she stopped at taco bell and her ordering the food was hilarious for me... but i wanted to tell her thanks for the half of the crunch thing and the ride home and letting me borrow your bike. i dont think i tell you enough that i appreciate you as my friend... your a great one and in my mind it takes one like you to forgive all the crap i did to you in the past. i know that it annoys you that i keep bringing this up and apologizing for it but im afraid that ill be dumb and do it again so i always think about it and i really want you to know that im sorry for all that shit i did. and thanks for being my friend. i know if i need to talk to you youll be there to talk with me. but on a funnier note lily and jerika decided to give jerika a sunroof. i dont understand all the logic that was behind this but im not gonna say a thing. it was their idea and jerika can do to her house what she pleases. i just hope they get it finished before it rains... i wish i had a sunroof im just not brave enough to make one... so yes... these are just some of the random thoughts that have been popping around in my head... some from today and some for awhile so i thought id type them out. but that is all and im now done so i bid you all... G'DAY! ... and holy crap i realized this is really long.... |
| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005 |
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| Well Sir you were getting on my nerves earlier and Im not quite shure why. Maybe its just the fact that you kept telling me what to do or that you got pissed cause i was playing with your hair. God dammit I know your a pretty boy or whatever at heart but its just hair. It can be fixed. If you want to go play with mine Ill go fix it when your done. And that would be the end of it. No need to go fuss over your fucking hair. Geese.... and that fucking cat needs to chill. It has scratched me multiple times tonight and it wouldnt leave my leg alone so that bothered me too. Yes this is random bitching and I want to go rock out to some mudvayne but the rents are asleep so no loud music and playing it quietly defeats the purpose all together in my mind. And Sir when you bitched at me about the fag that got annoying. I was saving it for its master. I had what?.... 4 drags... yes... back off my borrowed fag next time. Maybe tommorow will be better when I go walk with Lily and Michelle untill 6:30 when I have to go to fucking CADS and go piss in a god damn cup and put up with Brenda.... but untill that time comes I will try to enjoy my day. I need to find a job so I have something to do with my sweet time and then I can have some money... something we all need more of... So yes I think Im done for now. So that all. Good Day. |
| Sunday, June 26th, 2005 |
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| well i felt the need to go over whats been on my mind since i got up cause i feel like a jackass and if i were to talk to anyone about it what they would tell me will prolly make me feel like more of one so yes... this is it. its really quite childish and i feel dumb for having reacted the way i did. just cause you accidentally made 2 different plans with 2 different people today gave me no reason to act the way i did. chris just got back from costa rica and you want to see him and i should've understood that but instead i got pissed off cause you werent gonna be with me even though i said it was fine and it didnt bother me so there i guess i lied. and worse off i was childish and stupid and wouldnt tell you untill you told me you'd walk over here at 2 or so in the morning to get it out of me when the rents are asleep and you really didnt care cause you just wanted to know what was wrong. and i shouldve been more understanding like you are and let you go hang out with chris without a fuss cause he is your best friend and i know if i wanted to hang out with lily or jerika you wouldnt care cause we dont have to be together all the time wich it seems we are and everyone thinks we are joined at the hip anyway or thats the impression i got from them all last night and well i think this might have been good to happen. now i can be away from you and everyone for awhile and do the whole hermit/loner thing. so i think ill start updating in here more and get on the internet more and then do some random chores around the house and when those are done watch tv or a movie or sleep or something boring and non constructive like that and maybe go ride my bike aimlessly around town untill i get lost. so thats all ive been thinking. i know there are alot of run on sentences in there but oh well... it how my thought patterns got typed out. if thats you calling now ill just let it ring... im not checking it. thats all. im not trying to ignore you just the situation cause again i feel like an ass and right now the best way to put up with the situation in my mind is to avoid it all together and you can just pretend i dont exist for a while... cause ya my moods were to bad yesterday and i dont want a repeat. now i think that i really am done. g'day. |
| Thursday, June 16th, 2005 |
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| well i havent done this in awhile and i know how you love to read them ling ling so yes... im sitting at Sir Kennys house... lets see after school got out ive not been doing to much... sittin at home and then come over here or kenny goes over to my place. i was just informed that pipi wanted the kenny to take his shirt off... lily if you wanted to see it that bad just ask him to do it. i think he didnt do it cause he didnt know pipi that well and it was uncomphtorable for him... yes... la.. poo. i think im done. thats all. good day. |
| Thursday, May 5th, 2005 |
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well... im sitting at stoop's house right now... yes... kinda bored. took 12 shots of vodka and lemonade with austin... sadly im not feeling it anymore. so yes. i got back from rehab about a month ago. expelled from school for having a knife... i want that bitch back.. yes hmm. there is an air rifle at my house... the best night i had in awhile was when i shot keebs and doobie in the ass... :) ahh yes... well im done for now. see lily some people still update even though this is boring i still did it just for you. i love my azn. and anti-prom prom is saturday! YAY! well im done now. later days dingo |
| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005 |
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| I'm updating for Dingo..why? because I can. Anyways. she's coming back on March 17th. yerep..and that's about all I know about her life at this moment. So g'day^.^ |
| Wednesday, February 9th, 2005 |
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| i dont hate you neil... even though your sitting over my shoulder reading this telling me what to type. oh i know you didnt say that but get over it.. hah.. i win! |
| Thursday, February 3rd, 2005 |
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| ya like the title says im in rehab! and i got a letter from lily and ya... that made my day really happy!! so thankyou lily! hmm... ive got like 23 days left. and ya... ill be back in dport! oh yes.. happy days! later. |
| Saturday, December 25th, 2004 |
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theres not much to write about since i have no idea wats going on back home... i miss everyone and its mainly just 3 ppl.... and thats just kevin lily and kiowa.... i got to call lily yesterday and hearing wat she had to sat made me realize how much i hate being here! i just want to go home... but i cant go home for awhile so ya... im gonna get comftorable here... well its 2 more months so let it go by fast!! and i couldnt call kevin so im kinds depressed at the moment but ill get over it sometime soon. its really hard to type with one hand because the other one is holding my sandwich and im hungry so ya.... im gonna eat it! but thats all i got to say... lily im working on a letter to send you and the same goes for kevin!! but thats all i really have for now like i said so ya im gonna close this up... dingo |
| Saturday, November 13th, 2004 |
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blehh.... i miss you! ur really cute! i see you on monday. i look forword to that but its also sad cause its ur last week.. and thats shity! im gonna dye my hair sometime... maybe like silver and purple or sumfin maybe lily will do it for me if i get the shit for it... will you lily? of course you prolly will... we'll prolly just be that bored to do it! im gonna go to the kmk consert at QC Live... but on a better note i found out i have ADD cause i went to a phyciatrist and they said i did so i get aderall (i have no idea how to spell that by the way) but ya that made me happy and according to lily im a porn addict and i snort glue! later days! |
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u rEAdin dA wOnderoUs liFe of aMy dA haPPy lil elf.
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numb.
surprised.
pleased.
ahh... this pic is adorable.
creative.
bouncy.
hyper.
weird.
determined.
gloomy.
refreshed.