i reject your reality, and substitute my own!

whoa. loki, i can't comment on your journal and the owner of caleida has gone MIA! so i'll address you this way.

a) long time no see

b) get ahold of me ASAP!

http://barlights.livejournal
fullyandcompletely@hotmail.com <- msn
shae@ear-hat.net <- email
#undeadlegion on irc.sorcery.net <--- irc!

i've been living in chicago for 10 weeks.

going to toronto tomorrow. coming back to chicago. and then going home.

back in the cities i love in november for my birthday with my brother.

i've been to manitoba, north dakota, minnesota, wisconsin, illinois, indiana, pennsylvania, new york, massachussates, conneticut, michigan, ohio and ontario.

i've travelled 11,000 miles this summer. i've done things i never thought i'd do. i've seen people i never thought i'd see again.

this summer is going to be hard to top next year.

til you burn

til you burn.

neon jesus is the best band name EVER.

going to boston next week. got back from toronto on monday morning.

i have a meeting sept 9th with my writers :x

CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO THIS SONG.

holy fuck when did it get to be august?

still in chicago.

wisconsin this weekend. toronto next. back in chicago after.

there's something really comforting about listening to the music of someone you know personally.

i lied.

he bought me TWO rings.

skwerrel bought me a ring.

but NOT an engagement ring.

but it's a ring ok.

comment or be removed.

comment to be added.

caleida IS coming back.

just let me finish my vacation first.

important legion business. yes.

to those who want to hang out: #undeadlegion on irc.sorcery.net

we're all there. why aren't you? ;)

slow how you wanted it to be

since everyone else is going through update fever here at caleida, might as well, right?

there IS a plan in place to revive something. i just don't have the ammount of TIME i need to do it. between 7am meetings and ircing all night long (lol) i am a very very busy ear hatted person.

shit in my life is pretty fucking awesome. i'd be lying if i said i didn't think it was nice to be home, i missed my family sooooooooo much. i missed my mom, i missed my dad, and i missed my brother so bad. of course i miss my home, i miss my city, i miss lyle, i miss i miss my CATS...

at the end of the month A VISTOR is coming to VISIT me.... (lol) and then i'm going to chicago! and then madison, to see the oniisan, and then to TORONNNNNNTO, which makes me so happy you have no idea, for a nerd camping party with my dearest of my dear friends.

and then i'm supposedly doing a cross-state thing, but idk when or where. so it's kind of hanging in the balance.

and then i'm ending up in vancouver to see ooky ookness

and then in september i'm either going to england, or australia.

...... it all depends on what happens with a person or four. hahahaha.

so basically, a lot of my days consist of dancing around in my room in my underwear, listening to good music and schemeing my life.

oh.

i got accepted into two film schools and a broadcasting program i wanted to get into. but i turned them all down.

toodles.

regina -> chicago -> madison -> toronto -> chicago -> tucson/arizona-y -> vegas -> california -> washington state -> vancouver

hoshit.

"maybe you smelled." "............ maybe."

two shows. one podcast, and one tv show that has a chance to be picked up by the cbc.

two websites.

a party.

an ad campaign.

and a road trip for the summer.

... holy shit.

oh god what the hell what the fuck why do these people like me?

DO NOT BE ALARMED.

morten is fixing the site.

i will try to keep you updated on what's going on with your friendslists and such.

last night is still on my mind.

can't stop smiling.

generally in awe of life and the people in mine.

it's a long life to always be longing, you know. :)

there's a heron outside in violet light

your heart jumps to.
and my heart jumps, too.
I think, to myself "I don't really know my heart"
and as you whisper "me too"
a silver jet roars overhead
rocks the nocturne all everglade
and grey sheers
silver jet, so far off already...

man oh man oh man.

it was a late april fool's day joke, since i was busy. i feel really bad now since you guys are being so incredibly awesome, i can't continue with the "joke". D: please don't hate me.

lyle wouldn't waste thousands of dollars to hang out with me for 4 days before dumping my ass. he'd dump me before and then spend the money on booze. :)

the long and skinny of it is he didn't break up with me, toronto was so fucking amazing i can hardly believe it, and i am absolutely 100% crushed at having to be back here.

i'll probably see him again in june. it's not that far away... right?

sorry again you guys. ♥

lyle broke up with me at the airport. in front of gate 135.

... i don't know what the fuck to do now. 3 years gone.

ecw

johnny;

You don't end. That's what I like. I've been training my muscles, my organs, my skin, my hair - to last forever. People are ugly. I'll try to be different for you. I'll drag myself through the dark, so you won't have to see. Meeting you in the dark would be best. You twinkle by moonlight. That's what I dream of you. And forbidden things too. I wake.

You're never there. I'm never (really) there. I'm back with you. How is it that the day brings light with it every time it comes? Is it not too heavy a burden sometimes? Day could at least spare me the light and just bring us closer.

Day is perfect. It's had practice. I like the dark. I know what ugly is, and the dark takes it away. When you're born and dead as many times as day, you know the tricks that make it easy.

But you sweetness, are what I'm training for. You don't end. That's what I like. Your beauty isn't your longevity. You never end because your beauty blinds the killer. The killer looks through bellies. He sees everyone's end, but not yours. He works at night.

Your light is blinding. Eyes adjust. Mine do. The killer couldn't adjust to you. Most times I don't mind the killer. He's dry and thin. "Did I find bones in the hill? Or is this a hill of bones?" I hear him ask. He pretends to beg, which is just a courtesy. You extend no courtesies. You haven't the time, even as you never end.

Your beauty is uncompromising. So I say a picnic is in order. At the shore. YOU - beauty, the killer and me. We'll await a rainy afternoon, lest the killer will have to shade his eyes. The killer will see into my belly and sigh... "You need to train harder."

You won't see me through the sheets I'm wrapped in. The killer will see you through squinty eyes, and fall in love. We always love what we cannot have. I love you most. Because I can't have you most.

The killer brings fleshy peaches, that drool in your bite. You bring new rose petals and oil. I bring a basket to carry what's left over. We don't speak. Just the gulls cry. Finally you swim away. The killer speaks "Carry me home, you need the training."

"Leave the basket, I'll eat what's left on the way. I am never full." The whole way he speaks of your beauty. After a ways he says "Drop me here and go on, I have work to do."

&

Bring me back in shackles,
hang me long out in the sun,
exonerate me. forget about me.
I recommend measures for ending it.
Lover, she simply slammed the door.
She said, "you're gonna miss me.
Wait and you'll see,"

fully and completely.

I ponder the endlessness of the stars,
ignoring said same of my father.
Either it'll move me
or it'll move right through me;

fully. completely.

oh pip.

do i have presents for you.

i don't have a compact flash card reader tho, so i can't get them to you until i get paid on friday. ):

but wow, do i have some AMAZING pictures for you.

as i never ever said the worst, i want i want you first.

omg i'm finally off the most popular list! after, what, 3 years? my reign of terror is over! etc.

it's not that i don't blog here. i do. you just don't see it. :)

barlights.livejournal.com.

i have been swallow by sufjan, i have re-fallen-in-love-with aimee, the arctic monkeys, the new morrissey single, virgin's drunk vs stoned on geoff's show, and stars.

i've fallen into music and i can't get out. D: my laptop is going to explode, i've downloaded 7 gigs of shit in the past 3 days.

seven swans is. is. something. i should have gotten it WEEKS ago. my all-time favourite sufjan track is They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead!! Ahhhhh! though.

#activity on sorcery.net has been VERY active lately, last night was so funny i actually HOWLED with laughter. join if you're bored.

i haven't updated here in a long time. i feel like i'm too old to be posting here. i have other things to say to other people. and i don't mean offense by not sharing it with everyone, but i just feel like...

it's not the right subject matter for here.

i don't go on messengers. but you all know that the irc channel is open. we're on sorcery.net in the channel #activity.