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[06 Nov 2005|10:54pm] |
Sorry shae, I undeleted your account. I had to tell you about this dream I had.
I was on my strings retreat this weekend,and it was really fun. But the first night, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt I had a girlfriend (Who doesn't?). It was really vivid, too, or I tricked myself into believing it was real. I remember her being taller than me, 6"4 or something, she had black hair, was white, and shoulder length hair. She was tough, but for some reason stood up to me. I think this had a lot to do with me reading About a Boy (and finishing) for English class. The 12 y/o has a girlfriend who's 15. She's also tough and grunge.
Anyway, she was sweet to me. I tried to remember my first kiss after I kissed her a few times. I couldn't so I didn't think about it. When I woke up, it took me a little bit to realise it wasn't real. I was disappointed.
I'm starting to get fed up with myself. But that's okay. I wasn't fed up with myself during the retreat. I even hung out with a bunch of asian girls a year older than me. It's okay to latch onto friends who are somehow more popular with the ladies. They thought I was crazy.
And just playing the cello again, was great. I love the strings retreat. It bring me closer to a lot of people. I even learned that this person in my section was a guy, not a tomboy/girl. And then I questioned my sexuality. Would it be strange to think of me as gay?
My right speaker is broken, so now I listen to my music with only the left one. It's weird listening to songs which require both speakers, such as July July! and Striptease. But it gives me a new look, even if I don't like it.
This is getting out of control, I think I'll stop this now.
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