Silent Pain

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 21:45:45 GMT

I moved to livejournal.com. Don't get me wrong, I will miss this site with all my heart. I had to move due to no one I really knew(except for the special few)came here and those who did have one here moved to livejournal. To go there simply use this:

www.livejournal.com/users/demoniccarnival

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 23:24:01 GMT

I haven't been doing good since yesturday. Yesturday I had an emotional breakdown. I know it sounds dramatic, but it happened. Anyways, I was doing good, 2 weeks no cut and as no one mentioned or I saw that Asshole I was fine. Assembly was there, so was the Asshole. Seeing, speaking to em, it all hurt so much. I ended up cutting when I got back to my second hour. I collapsed and had the breakdown when I got home. Today I'm doing a bit better, but that's all I want to say.

Pussy Superstar

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 01:03:21 GMT

I didn't go to school today. I'm sick. I can finally breathe now. I was at home today, I had insomnia last night. That and I couldn't stop blowing my nose. Anyways, school sucks and I want it to end. I hate seeing that bacstabbing asshole everytime I go there. Now, the only symptom I have is I'm fucking freezing. I'm currently watching Mad Mad House. Well, that's all. Fuck off deary.

Ballad of the Fallen Angels

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 01:22:43 GMT

The way you treat me,
I compare it to Their silence...
Just like you,
My wings are tattered and torn...
Because of you,
I feel forlorn...
Because of you,
These scars sit upon me...
Because I loved you,
I beg you to finish me...
This is Their song,
The Ballad of the Fallen Angels...

WAAAACHACHACHACHA!!!!

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 00:52:01 GMT

I've been grounded for cursing out my mom, so I haven't been updating. I'll get my privaleges back on Tuesday. Anyways, let's explain one of my better weekends.

Friday- I didn't go to Regal, part of my groundation. I didn't want to go anyways.

Saturday- I went to the pool somewhere around 11:00a.m. The temperatures were below sub-zero so I got out in an our and took the hottest bath possible. We were gonna see Kill Bill Volume 2, but the manager must've not taken the vibrator outta her ass so she wouldn't let us in. So instead, I bought the first one, since I didn't see it anyways. It was awsome.

Sunday- I woke up, and saw the movie. I coincidentally found Kitty there and we hung out and saw it. It's so awsome. Next to Rocky Horror Picture Show, this is the best movie I've ever seen. That's about it. I just finished taking a shit, second best one I ever took. Ok that's it bye and prey that the lock doesn't break cause my great-grandpa is trying to attack me with his cane again...

Yep, I'm actually updating

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 18:19:02 GMT

I'm updating from my 4th hour class. Doesn't matter cause we have a substitute. I wasted my whole Spring Break in my room mourning. I've been so depressed. I didn't even go to Regal and I usually anticipate going. Now that I'm back in school Asshole(dubbed em) seems to be everywhere. Makes me get angry and hurt at the same time. But yeah. I've been so fucked up that I've tortured my stuffed animals. I stabbed a teddy bear in the head with the scissors I use, I crucified a frog doll on my bulletin board, and one of my stuffed cats is hanging from the top bunk. The hanging was actually meant for me but I think Sabbath(the cat doll) looks better on it. But yeah, I've been getting worse. Maybe a bit better though, I'm actually interacting with people now. I also bought a Spider Katar online. I want school to end so quickly, I never want to see Asshole ever again. I hate myself now too, I hate myself for being so weak...

He's like an old ninja...

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 01:42:07 GMT

My great-grandpa has just attacked me. See he was lost in the hallway again and blocking it. I tried to squeeze through him and he hits me. He smacks me with his cane and attempts to slap me. I'm like "What the fuck?" and he tells me "Look at your size". I'm pretty fucking tiny(5'5" to be exact) and he attacks me!! He's fucking crazy and I should charge him with Assult With A Deadly Weapon... I'm terrified of leaving my room now... Either than that they threw away my marbles cause they caught me sticking them up my nose and they yell at me cause I use the word "Fuck" too much. As if I'd fucking stop. What fucking ever...

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 16:27:04 GMT

I haven't been updating...big fucking deal. Alright so, my great-grandpa moved in with us cause he's completely lost it. I don't mind, but he's absolutely grotesque and insane. To begin with, not even God knows what he says. He tries to give me adive and ends up with "You need your toe to walk"...I'm beginning to think he doesn't even know what he's talking about. They bought me new sandles cause I need them for the bathroom cause he PEES ALL OVER THE GODDAMN FLOOR!!! It's so gross to wake up in the morning groggy and half-awake and to step in a puddle of someone elses urine!!! GRRR!!!...Oh and one time, you see Telemundo has the spicy ladies dancing, well his bed is in the living room and I went to get water and the ladies were dancing and AHHHH!!!! I wanted to gouge my eyes out. I thought people were suppose to be impotent at that age. ARRRRG!!! Well other than that he doesn't know who I am and he tried to attack me with a broom until he realized I walk faster than he slides his feet. Well, that's all I want to say for now, I should update more but I got a project due when I get back to school and I haven't started... what fuckin' ever!

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 01:49:04 GMT

Your a Magical Angel!Out of all the angels, you are
the one most afflicted with magic. You can do
many enchantments as well as sorcery. You cant
do black magic, because even though your not so
"pure" your still an angel. A very
kind and curious one at that. Magical Angels
are always very easy-going with humans, but
intrestingly enough, like to expirement with
them with their spells.

What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Carnival of Sins

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 03:00:34 GMT

I just came back from the Youth Fair. For those who don't know that is a carnival that only comes once a year. Well, it was fun for the most part, but something got to me. It was yesturday, I kept thinking about yesturday. I couldn't get it out of my head, no matter what I did! That's all I'm willing to say now, g'day

Ballad of the Fallen Angels

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 03:31:29 GMT

Well, I've gave up all possible hope. Nothing can happen with that parasite in the way. This is all I want to say, I honestly don't wanna talk about it...

I can suffer with the best of them

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 01:22:39 GMT

Well, my weekend was awsome. I got the Jack Off Jill CD(which is now my favorite band cause they, dare I say it, better than Kittie) that I have been questing for 2 weeks. Iny bought sex dice, fishnet shirt, and a Sailor Moon DVD. She has an unhealthy obsession with Sailor Moon just like I have an unhealthy obsession with (BLEEP). Anyways, my mom took us to see The Passion of Christ. I felt horrible about what they did and at myself. I feel bad cause when they were whipping him, even though I felt horrible I still wanted one of the whips. I feel horrible for what they did, shows what mankind is capable of... Anyways, no one talked till we got in the car, and my mom was crying. Today, was like any other schoolday, except I had to resist the urge to sleep. I kept myself awake by poking myself with a giant safety pin whenever I fell asleep. Not much after that. I'm actually updating, wow, that feels odd. Ok bye...

All is well, even if we are in Hell...

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 03:33:28 GMT

Well, today is successfully probably my 2nd best day ever. It was so much fun. I went to Regal as usual, and it surprisingly didn't suck, even though the movie did suck(Don't see the Scooby Doo movie). I went to a video game to test my endurance, I had to hang on to shock handles. I beat it screaming "Is that all you got?"!! After that we were gonna sneak into a movie, but we didn't and ended up sitting outside a movie talking. It was fun. After that was the movie. It sucked, but we commented throughout the whole movie. It was just great. I can only hope it gets better from here

meeeeep...

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 00:59:01 GMT

Well, I haven't updated, but it's school tying me back. I'll update more in the summer when I have time(and probably DSL). Let me start at Friday.

Friday: I decided not to go to Regal. No one was going and I doubt anyone wants me there. I spent the day at home, whipdie-fucking-doo.

Saturday: I went to the mall with Iny looking for the Jack Off Jill CD. Seeing as they are my new favorite band and I saw the CD last week, I wanted it. It wasn't there. Instead I bought my very first whip. After that it wasn't interesting.

Today: My Aunt and Uncle decided to take my little brother to the Youth Fair and not me. What the fuck? Do they not like me? Whatever. I spent the day home working on my project and downloading Jack Off Jill songs. I then say a movie called Creep Show. It is so fucked up. It really disturbed me. Later that night I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show with audio commentary. I learned so much about it. I wanna go see it in theaters so I won't be a virgin(Rocky Horror virgin, I'm still very lonely ::sniff sniff::) anymore. That's about it.

Jack Off Jill- Surgery

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 01:54:53 GMT

I can change I can cut it open
Look at me the way you did before
I can change
diagnose the symptom
buy the antidote but not the cure

Hold me under
cut away this empty
Hold me under
change the way I feel about you

I can change
I’ll correct the defect
repair the injury called you and me
I can change
I’ll surrender to it
I can suffer with the best of them

Hold me under
cut away this empty
Hold me under
change the way I feel about you

I can’t change
I’ll replace the decay
make you second guess your everyday
I can’t change
I’ll survey the damage
Kill the narcissist with his reflection
until tomorrow

Hold me under
cut away this empty
Hold me under
change the way I feel about you

Hold me under
cut away this empty
Hold me under
change the way I feel about you

until tomorrow

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 19:00:41 GMT

You are a black dragon! Master of the shadows and
nightmares. People claim you to be evil but
you're just misunderstood. You just want to be
alone.

Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I did this in school and didn't get caught this time...YAAY!! Oh...wait...spoke too soon.

Peanut Butter and Satanic Jelly sandwiches for lunch!!

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 16:17:03 GMT

Well, my weekend is all ups and fucking downs. Ok, Let's split this into 2 categories:

Saturday- My dad picked me up in the morning and we saw Starsky&Hutch(for me, it was again) and then we went to Dave&Buster's(popular arcade) and I unleashed hell on a shooting gallery. My dad finally realized my gambling issues when he let me use the roulette machines. I got home and my mom took me to get stuff for a project due Monday. I got to spraypaint ^.^!! After that, I wanted to go to Natasha's party, but I couldn't for 3 reasons:

1. Violent diarrhea
2. Had to work on my project
3. I couldn't find my mom

Really, I just wrote that so now Tosh knows why I didn't go and I don't get attacked. Now, later that night my brother found my Gamecube memory card(found conveniently underneath my mom's TV...how did it get there...) that has been lost since November! So yeah, I was all happy. I never want to lose it again, so I don't want it leaving my room.

Sunday(today)- I was awaken by my brother doing his shitty rap beats on my door. So I open the door and he barges in like it's his fucking room and tries to take my memory card to play his game. I'm all "Hell fuck no" so I kick his ass out and this caused him to cry. Of course my grandma ALWAYS have to be on his side so after about an hour they forced me to give it up. I have no one in this house to fucking back me up. It's bullshit I tell you BULLSHIT!!!! Ok, I'm done.

Jack Off Jill- Fear of Dying

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 21:37:41 GMT

Fear Of Dying

I’m not afraid of standing still
I’m just afraid of being bored
I’m not afraid of speaking my mind
I’m just afraid of being ignored

I’m not afraid of feeling
and I’m not afraid of trying
I’m just afraid of losing
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

I’m not afraid of being sick
I’m more afraid of being well
I’m not afraid
Put the gun in my hand
I’m just afraid it will hurt like ’hurt like’ hell

I’m not afraid of screaming
and I’m not afraid of crying
I’m just afraid of forgetting
And I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of

I’m not afraid of looking ugly
I couldn’t care what they say
I’m not afraid of happy endings
I’m just afraid my life won’t work that way

I’m not afraid of forgiveness
I absolve you everything
I’m not afraid of lying...
But I am afraid of dying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 23:19:49 GMT

Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 21:30:24 GMT

[Layer.One]
Name: Not important
Birthdate: 7/28/89
Birthplace: Miami
Hair: Black
Height: 5'7 I think
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Zodiac Sign: Leo

[Layer.Two]
Your heritage: I'm afraid to find out
Your weakness: My friends know who...
Your shoes you wore today: My boots
Your fears: Being alone, spiders, Oompa Loompa's, rejection, dolphins
Your perfect pizza: Extra sauce
Goal you'd like to achieve: I wanna take over the world and have my own castle in England.

[Layer.Three]
Your thoughts first waking up: Shit...(Beep) isn't next to me...
Your best physical feature: Dunno really...
Your bedtime: Whenever I fuckin' please
Your most missed memory: Being young, when you truely don't understand pain nor love...

[Layer.Four]
Pepsi or Coke: Mountain Dew
McDonald's or Burger King: Either will do.
Single or group dates: Ehhh?
Adidas or Nike: Don't care you fuckin' valley girl!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilly
Cappuccino or coffee: Frappachino!

[Layer.Five]
Smoke: no
Cuss: like a sailor
Sing: Whenver I get a song in my head
Take showers daily: Yes
Have a crush: Hee hee ::blush::
Think you've been in love: I am in love without a doubt...
Want to go college: Ehh...why not...
Want to get married: Yeah, I do
Believe in yourself: My self-esteem is LOOOOOOW
Get motion sickness: Never
Think you're a health freak: "Former" anorexic
Get along with your parents: no
Like thunderstorms: YES YES OH GOD YES!!!!
Play an instrument: Yes but I'm embarassed to admit it. I wanna learn guitar
[Layer.Six] - in the past month
Gone to the mall: No
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
Eaten sushi: No...and it's my favorite food
Been on stage: No
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: I made cinnamon buns
Gone skinny dipping: Not unless in my bathtub
Dyed your hair: Wash-out stuff, but yeah

[Layer.Seven] - ever..
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: None that I remember ;)
Been called a tease: People talk about me behind my back...I know they do...
Got beaten up: Tosh hits me, but she's my owner

[Layer.Eight]
Age you hoped to be married: Don't care really
Number and name of children: Rose, Ami, Skye, and whatever the other person comes up with
How do you want to die: With my love
Where do you want to attend college: University of Miami
Dream job: Universal Ruler
Country you want to visit: England

[Layer.Nine] - In a guy(or girl I guess...)
Best eye color: Doesn't matter
Best hair color: Doesn't matter
Short or long hair: Doesn't matter
Height: I like em tall
Best weight: Doesn't really matter
Best clothing: Whatever
Best first date location: Regal!!!!
Best first kiss location: Anywhere really...

[Layer.Ten]
Number of drugs taken illegally: nope
Number of people I could trust with my life: I don't know, they'll all eventually betray me
Number of CDs that I own: Somewhere around 8
Number of piercings: None, I will get my tongue though
Number of tattoos: None for right now
Number of times my name's been in the news: Umm... FUTURE CONTROLLER OF UNIVERSE SLAUGHTERS MANY!!!!
Number of scars on my body: My arms and legs...from myself
Number of things in my past that I regret: Everything...

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 19:29:53 GMT

You are the chinese element of Water. People who
are under the element of Water are creative,
independent and intelligent. Water you are a
dreamer, but are quite vulnerable, and have
hidden agendas. The color of water is black,
and your symbol is the tortoise. Winter is the
season in which Water shines and it's months
are October/November. Your weather condition
is cold. Water is the direction of north, and
your day is Wednesday, while your planet is
Mercury. Animals under your element are
usually shelled. People under you are Turks.
Your sense is hearing, your taste is salty,
your sound is moaning and your virtue is
knowledge. Your organs are the kidneys. You
were created by Metal and control Fire.

Which of the 5 Chinese Elements Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This in a way really explains me!!

Awaken

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 02:09:17 GMT

There's a corpse here,
Though I am not dead...
I have lay dormant for eternity,
Waiting for you...
Awaken me,
Before it's much too late...
I don't want to die tonight,
Don't let me...

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 15:21:50 GMT

Well, my mom has snapped yet again and is now doing her "psycho-cleaning". Psycho-cleaning is basically my mom throwing away whatever is insignificant to her. I'm stuck here doing absolutely nothing. Oh, I got Yahoo Instant Messanger so now I can talk to Yahoo people and do the whole webcam thingy. That's about it. And on Friday, I had an energy drink that got me so wired to the point where I was dancing on the street singing to "La cucaracha". Then I got home and my emotions were amplifide by like 500x normal lonliness. Then i passed out and woke up still hyper. That's it.

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 18:43:12 GMT

I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by
night I'm one HELL of a lover!!
You're FRANK N FURTER!! Probably the best-looking
transvestite the known world has ever SEEN!!!
you lucky bastard...

Which Character from the Rocky Horror Picture Show are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 18:38:06 GMT

I'm in my 4th hour yet again. I finished the project and I deserve a fuckin' vacation. Nothing is really happening i've just been downloading alotta incubus and clips of The Rocky Horror Picture Show(my new favorite movie). Ok, that's it, bye.