Current mood:

pissed off

FUSTRATED!!
God okay im not gonna lie something really is bugging me and im not gonna keep this private no longer i don't want to start a fight which is why i was so afraid to confront the person. Becca if your reading this it's about you...First the reason im quitting bowling is cuase of you....i don't want you to quit i really think you should stick with it, it would be good for you! But just ever since you have joined im doing worse and like it seems like since your rubbing it in my face even tho those aren't your intentions. But like for the tournament...i mean u going to the next level was kindof bugging me since ur average was low and all and like if my average was as low as ur's was then, then maybe i would have gotten into the next round...i don't even get why you didn't go to that tournament i mean i just don't understand you latley i try to but it's hard when you won't let me understand....or talk to me instead ur lying to me!And yes this is about the guy you like...and u know you like him but you told me you didn't you lied to me...the otehr day was total proof of it....i mean you could have at least tlaked to me or said how you felt OR WHAT IS GOING ON it really bugs me that u have so little respect for me to lie to me...i mean were spending time in disney land together ( WOOHOOO SUMMER GO US!! LOL) and what not. I mean if you think about it the person you like likes me so u 2 both have something in common....you both like someone that doesn't like you back...in that way...but that gives you no right to lie to me....i didn't want to believe you but since you were my friend i decided i should....But now i have no clue cause u did lie. I'm not trying to start a fight...it's just i dunno im getting really annoyed i feel like i dunno. I'm not a lucky person and a guy shouldn't change our friendship...but over the years it has.I just don't get it anymore nor do i get you...I just feel like it's all changing...i mean we use to have fun 24-7 but now it's like we have these little things...i don't want that...i want more i want a friend that i can gossip with lol(not bad but about life and stuff) talk to, be comfortable with, hang with, have total fun with,have deep convos with, a friend that can trust me and that i can trust. Oh adn back to that whole guy eprson that u like thing...u may have thought i was flirting with him but i did all i could to prevent that becuase i could tell how much u liked him....i mean who was i with more yesterday...i was with elrie more....and i don't see how being with elrie makes it so im flirting with the other person. I'm sick of always havbing to handle everyone's problems and making everyone happy! I mean i should get paid to do it....becuase that's probably why im so stressed out and why i keep getting headaches....I mean i have everyone telling me to go out with elrie....you and the **** thing...i meqna i have yowi drifting away....i mean i have a lot to deal with....and all i can think about is how much i hate myself for convincing my dad not to make us move...I mean ur my grl and i love ya...and i'd miss everyone but if i had moved things would have been different...I not afraid anymore i did make myself throw up many times and i know you guys realize that but what u don't realize is that it's cause im stressed out about all those things....i mean today i was so tempting to take time out to go throw up but i didn't...EVEN MR.SOUZE NOTICED HOW I FELT HE ASKED IF I WAS OK 5 TIMES!! adn is isn't all addressed to becca.....im sick of being not ok..but it seems like most of my friends are okay with me wanting to die....ok with my throwing up....ok with everything im not perfect as much as i use to wish i was im not....i mean look at me....i just wanted to get that all out

Hey let's all play the let's touch mary game...eh? cough cough thanks for the comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not afraid to hold back...im a different me....