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March 4th, 2005

11:13 am - Slouching towards Bethlehem I got bored, so I made a list. About time I did another one, anyway. Things To Not Do In Church. (Sadly I did each and every one of them at one time or another in my life.) 1. Wear black nail polish. For some reason, people get really freaked out by this. Especially, you know, priests. 2. Wondering why they put the Reconciliation Room centimeters away from a large open window that looks down onto sharp gatelike spikes. (I used to think that after whatever they do during confession, if the guy is really evil and/or annoying, the priest just kind of throws the bugger out, thereby reconciling him with God. Literally. But this is just the musings of a sick mind.) 3. Doing Elvis impersonations no matter how bored you are. Or when you think no one's looking. 4. Comment on how the priest looks no different from the ancient relics he's standing next to. 5. Attempt to expound on Nietzsche's theories with people in the church. This tends to spark off an all-out verbal war, following which the offender will be permanently labelled as the Anti-Christ. 6. Doing rock-star impersonations down the aisle and pretending that the church is a stadium full of revved-up fans. Especially when the old lady in the corner looks like she's praying. Old ladies in church are surprisingly sarcastic sometimes. 7. Doing ANY KIND of impersonation, actually. They have a strangely low tolerance for people who impersonate lockjaw germs in the middle of communion. 8. Try to flirt with the altar boys. (Sadly I did not do this. Preps offend me.) And yes, I have gotten through yet another pointless entry, but oh well. Current Mood: good Current Music: Three Doors Down--Loser

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