Sara-Lynn

i heart blink

hey, sorry its been awhile since the last update, I've been busy with some school stuff and other personal stuff.

I seriously think im becoming an insomniac again. I have the sleeping pills; but I dont want to take them ever. They just make me feel drunk and when It sends me to sleep my dreams are nightmares :S. And the next morning I feel just weird. So whatever. My sleeping schedule is just fucked though :S. So I've been late for some friends hangin out, but I'll make up for it lol.

I got my ears pierced again; and I got my navel re-pierced. I took it out for awhile just for nothing and then i got it done again; woo fun stuff. Ive decided my next piercing will probably be my eyebrow; and I'm gonna get a stud probably; i'd be tramatized if something caught with the hoop and bang :S. So stud for me :D.

Calina and I talked with Scotia and her rents about the christmas break; and My mom will drive keena and I up there and we'll get to stay at Scotias for a week or something :). Man, the summer was so great. Scotia and I finally got to see eachother and hang out like we used to. I basically spent my whole summer going up there and back, and then she came down here for a bit. I preferred it up there though. Down here was alright; but Bear was being an ass to her and myself; and caused a bunch of fights and I didn't want Scotia to have to go through what I go through. It wouldn't be fair. But It was so nice up there :). The weather and the town were absolutely gorgeous; even though it was really a small town. I liked that though, its nice to get out of a huge city for once. Scotia's family was really nice too; not perfect; noone's is; but I still loved it. Cept for the factor of some of the issues with Laurie, it was a killer time; I'd even consider living up there if they'd let me! ;). But I can dream :( lol. Nothing ever is family like here. My mom's never here shes at work or roberts; then she isolates herself away from us. Which is good though, because I don't like spending time with my family. Were rather disfunctional. We like being alone, I guess. Or used to it. So thats why it seems weird when i go over to my friend's houses and they all eat dinner @ the table. Where @ my house we make our own food and all retreat to our rooms. Meh, it suites me though, I actually like it. Anyways...

I heart blink 182. Like my layout?. It'll be up for awhile. I'm actually starting to not change them ever 4 days lol. I'm making it a bet with myself how long I can keep it up :). ;). I've got homeschooling for an hour tomorrow; and I haven't done all my homework. I'll probably not sleep tonight; seeing as it's 6:32am right now. I haven't slept and I'm not tired. I watched You've got Mail, City of Angels then You've got Mail again lol. With much music inbetween. I lovvvvve those movies though. Superstation (movie channel), Much Music and Comedy channel are the basic channels I watch lol. My favourties anyways. I love/hate watching those movies though :(; they make me sad because I haven't been in love in a long time. It's only been about close to a month since my last breakup, but I didn't really feel it there anyways. Mayeb it just makes me sad because I know I won't be able to have it for awhile; what I seen on the screen anyways. Or maybe just because I'm not even in like with anyone and thats what I'm dieing for;. I'm not sure, jsut some random thoughts I have in my head right now. I'm heading off to watch another movie, I'll update this more frequently now, probably 2ce a week or more. Anyways <3 yous. G'night

woah.

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Been really busy and all. The night after I posted last there was a huge fire in my house and I've been at my brothers staying while everything gets cleaned and everything becomes fixed. We have to redo parts of our roof as well as redo our whole kitchen. We'll be repainting soon and my room gets repainted as well. I'm going with a navy dark blue. I wanted black but my mom said no :@.

In other news, my homeschooling starts sometime this or next week. I kind of can't wait, I haven't attended swc in ages it seems. Which sucks in one way; there were some people I met but didn't really get to be friends with just yet. And some guys that were cute that I haven't got their numbers yet ;). But anyways, I'm sooo going to streetlights this friday, I wasn't able to when I was at Saras all weekend, And i really wanted to see Mat :(. But anyways, I've got bowling tonight *blush* *jeff*. Shh!, Anyways, Sorry about my site's bandwith :(. I gotta buy some more!. ttyls' lotsa love babes

i don't believe its fair.

I am COMPLETELY PISSED OFF BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

I just had -what was one of the biggest- fights with BEAR that I have ever had. We were yelling at the top of our lungs for about half an hour and the tv and his stereo was on full blast. My mom was just coming home and sean was upstairs. Robert proceeded to yell and tried to get up all in my face so I had to keep pushing him away, thigns ended up being thrown at eachother and we had the loss of a remote to have a funeral for. After it was settling down I ran upstairs to my room crying, tripping over everything and i was trembling. I stayed that way for quite some time...and some stuff happened. Robert might be leaving tomorrow -thank god-. Mom tried to get me to pack some clothes and we'd go to my grandmother I THINK NOT. If anything BEAR should of been the one leaving tonight. I don't give a fuck, he will be leaving before we would. It's our god damn house, NOT HIS. So fuck that, I'm still pissed off and blasting my rammstein.

Sara is supposed to be sleeping over tomorrow, even with the storm and all. I'm going to pick her up from school when she gets out, were walking over to her house then doing god knows what until we arrive home late tomorrow night. HOPEFULLY, robert will not be home to cause any shit. *hopes*. Sara knows what he's like anyways, all my friends do. But Sara's mom is in the same position as mine, we both want to kick their ass's. WHY THE FUCK DON'T THEY REALIZE WHATS RIGHT FOR EVERYONE. god..arrruh. I hate people, this is one of my very bad moments. beware.

Theres no more school for me, I'm taking corresspondance instead of regular swc. im really happy about corresspondance and I don't care that I'm missing out onm a year and a half of "fun" activities @ school. pshh, whatever. Anyways, i made a new layout, Taking Back Sunday and the lyrics are from Your So Last Summer by them as well. Anyways, i'm too pissed off to write more. lots of love sent to you.

will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?

I just finished watching a slew of movies, forest gump, outbreak, phonebooth etc. Really really well made movies, and forest gump makes me sad. Its one of my favourite movies for sure, as well as the others I noted. Kiefer* Sutherland is starting to look like his father (Donald Sutherland, Outbreak) more and more as he gets older, I didn't even know he had a twin sister.

A lot of things have been running around in my mind. My musics becoming harder and I'm feeling useless. I'm staring out my window watching the rain pour down, And I want to go for a walk. I love walking in the rain, whether Its the feeling of the rain on my skin or just the fact of being away from here I don't know. I just want to kind of get out. I'm listening to boxcar right now, I can't wait to see if they come out with another album, I'm hoping, but whatever happens happens i guess lol. My brother keeps telling me I shouldn't blast my music, not good for my ears; whatever, I don't know I like it really loud. I can't wait until I get my guitar an amp, won't that be fun.

Bear is still acting like an ass; more so every day it seems. He keeps bitching at us to do everything, and the other day he was yelling at my mom trying to get her to kick me out. I hope she does. It's not like I've done anything wrong - I just would kill to get out of here. -shit it stopped raining :(-. Meh, She would never kick me out though, I might end up leaving anyways, who knows lol. Anyways, im leaving...

long break.

Hey, i haven't updated in awhile because i haven't had the time to :(. So much has been going on, that i haven't had time for much else, let alone a boyfriend, so Rich and I broke up a few days ago, he was busy as well, so at this point were just going to be friends and whatever. The weird thing si its completely mutual lol, and I'm really glad it is, it wouldn't do for it not to be. Cheerleading's last day is tomorrow and I'm psyched. I just hope I'm not making an ass out of myself lol, you know?. Meh well...

I really miss Scotia, not just her, but the environment up north. How everything was, if I could, i really would move. I don't like it down here, yes sure I have a lot of friends, but I feel somethings missing. It's not a good feeling; I just feel like I'm not being able to do everything I need to be doing, and I'm retaking some classes and I could sure use some of my friends there - but no luck there. I met some cool people though, but still. It just feels weird. Everything does. Man...I miss being able to live with my bestfriend. Scosh and I haven't been able to be like that for years now, and being taken away from her hurts you know.

School feels different now that I'm older, the grade nines have flooded the school this year, but they don't seem like how we were when we were in grade nine. I don't know, I just feel like I'm lost in school. Not academically, but even rushing through the hallways flooded with students. Maybe I should switch schools, get into something new, but something in the back of my mind is telling me not to. A few people told me I could do correspondence, but I would lack the socialness. And I'm like a butterfly when it comes to that, or I used to be :S. Meh, I'm dont ranting right now, see yas later.

listen as your day unfolds

Hmm, I awoke today at 6am...in horrible pain and I took my painkillers and awaited till they kicked in. I didn't do much else really, cept I slept with the nice refreshing cool of the icepack on my cheeks. Ahhh..its back on now. the swelling has majorly decreased since yesterday, thats amazingly awesome. I basically only watched tv, replied to some emails and switched some things around in my room. Tomorrow I should be finishing up my back-to-school shopping, so yeay.

Weird as it is, I'm looking forward to going back to school. I will, miss the summer ofcourse, but I can't wait till I get into the things I want to take, the courses and majorly make up for last years patheticness. But I'm also looking forward to Seeing Henning, becca, Marlena and Everyone more. But I'm not in any of their classes :(. Regarding that, I have to go and change every class I'm in and change my schedule so I'm able to actually pass the courses, because some I have even taken the preresiquets for yet :S. But anyways....

Richard and James came over the other day :). That was awesome, but I haven't talked to Rich in like a day or two...Simply because I haven't really been able to talk physically :S. But I'm going to the Carnival with him :D. James and a few others are tagging along as well, so that should be great :D. But anyways, I just took all my painkillers so im going to go lay down, lots of love!

i wanna wake up where you are.

I've just finished browsing around this site I wa reading about in the paper. Ratemyteachers.com (lol.) I was checking out what the students were writing about my teachers at SWC. I was actually a little shocked. Not so much in a bad way though. I've heard many different squed versions of what each teacher is like and this just duplicates more lol. What was wrote about our principal was completely true, (amazing guy, actually cares about students and gets to know them etc) And the same thing about our VP (seems into himself more than students, always telling us about his life and the mistakes he made and how he recovered from them etc). I'm still REALLY pissed off that we are losing some of the best teachers I will probably EVER have. We lost Mr and Mrs Stuart, Mr. Daniels, Ms.Byrd and so on. The Stuarts' actually made their classes fun, they made us think and actually enojoy Math and English. I'm actually going to be sad going back without those teachers who care about the students and the school. Uhh, DSBN GET A GRIP!. Shouldn't they care about the students and not so much the paychecks?. Uhh *rolls eyes*.

Yet another piece written in the paper made me think. It was the Same-Sex marriage piece. We have a couple in my city who plan to be wed on Sept 6 of this year. A whole column was written on it and an interview was placed in there as well. I'm actually glad that Ontario is regonizing Sam-Sex marriages. (Using a Quote from the article) Isn't All About Love Anyway?. One of the Daughter of the two planning to be wed stated that, even thought shes about 4. I agree with that little girl as well. If two people love and care for eachother - no matter what gender they both are - I think they should be allowed to be wed and regonized as a married couple. Over 100 couples have already been wed in Ontario since June 10th (when it was finally allowed.) And I completely Support the Unitarien* Church for Making them possible. I just hope the rest of the world comes along sooner or later. It's not fair Just because two people are homosexual that they cannot have all the same respect and dignity or oppertunities as people that are heterosexual. uhh, I'm just sick of the close-minded people. Meh.

Other than that, Scotia...:( My Best Friend is leaving today in a few hours. Her dad's coming to pick her up around 12-ish then I won't be able to see her for another 5 months :(. She'll miss everyone down here and I know I already miss everyone up there :(. It feels like my actual home their, I felt a part of their family. Which is why I'm going to my actual *what I call my actual* home tonight. I'm thinking of going over to my brothers house and seeing them. I haven't been able to see them in the longest time because I have been gone away :(. I miss my baby-girl (niece), Shes like my own daugther, so it kills me to be away from her. Robby and Jay are like my best-friends as well, JJ's and I's relationship are unlike most brothers and sisters lol, were bestfriends. But thats were Sean (other brother) comes in lmao. But anyways, I'm relly going to miss scosh a lot, over the summer I've grown so used to her, I think im going to feel a bit lonely :(. Richard will keep me company hopefully though lol. But still, scosh is like the sister I never had (litterally. RIP Danielle). but I better go before I get too emotional. Lots of love.

getting butterflies...getting dizzy :)

Omg...i woke up at 6pm today and i went to bed around 2ish. This is a first that's ever happened. I was actually pretty mad though that i slept that long, I really wanted to hang out with Richard today, but when I called him he had to other stuff So we didn't get to. Scotia and I went to Streetlights instead and woah. A lot of the people I know have changed. Well, I mostly mean the guys, not in a bad way, but in a verrrrry good way lol. It was pretty cool to see most of the people I barely see lol. Kynna and I are gonna hang out soon and Jenna and I ended up talking for a bit. We stayed for most of the night, then we headed over for some good ol DQ :D.

We threw on some movies when we got home and cooked up some food for ourselves. We also got talking about relationships and stuff (Richard and I started going out yesterday and she likes jb). I'm really happy bout Richard though, I've liked him for awhile now, so thats awesome :D. But yeah, I'm still pretty smashed about the idea that were parting on Monday till like Christmas or March break. I'm going to miss her like crazy, shes my best bud and we grew up together. I'm probably going to go stay up there on xmas break and She'll probably come here for m.b..But :(...yeah anyways....Were not doign much now, shes here in my room lol. So were gonna go watch yet another movie or something, ttyl guys lotsa love

swing swing

Mmk, i love this song, "Swing Swing" by "The All American Rejects"...just listen to it, its awesome to me. Anyways

I just updated my blog. And I just read Scotias. I agree with her, today DID suck. I really wanted to see richard though. We ended up talking on cam for hours last night, it was really nice to talk to him again, he's been at camp for about 3 weeks and I haven't seen him at all for awhile now. We called eachother and stuff today though, that was fun. I also went on cam a few times today with different people, not sure why, but when someone asked that i knew, sure why the hell not? lol. Yeah, I'm in a weird mood. On the way out in the car today my mom and I had like a mini fightish kind of thing. We were all takling and then we got into how shes not a good mom and she agreed. I couldn't kind of believe it. But then she went into the whole thing where shes like "Well i have to work to keep a roof over your head". Same old excuse, but I don't really care. I don't want a relationship with her. I never had one, and don't plan on having one. We had to leave bowling cuz she wasn't feeling well, which didn't bother me leaving cuz I didn't feel in the mood tonight I guess. Meh, I'm kind of in a state of change, I have been for awhile, I kind of just wanna be alone, but i like scotias company :D. Shes my girl!. But shes not feeling tip top cuz shes missing her family and her sister and dad a lot. She doesn;t get to see Amanda a lot and nows shes moving back to Niagara falls, which really sucks for Scotia :(. [Girl, if you EVER need to see me, I WILL COME UP THERE!, or even just call me, you know my number hun, i love ya and don't want anything bad to happen.] Anyways, I'm gonna go call richard back, lots of love everybody, ciao.

Hehe, Scosh and I just got home from a quite eventful evening, Richard called me back around 9 and we went to hang out at 10. It was a pretty cool night, and i had some fun. Except when I jumped a fence (no real reason) ripped my new jeans, and landed straight on my back, putting me in pain for hours. I scared the shit out of Calina, Scosh and mike (who I was with at that point) lol. But I'm still waiting for tylenol 3s to kick in...I've got a massive headache and my backs killing me. Later. Lotsa love!

if your wondering how its gonna be.....

Hmm, today was cool I guess. Scosha and I didn't get ANY sleep again, as per usual lol. We met up with Calina around 1ish and headed over to James. We all basically just spent the day reminiscing, eating junk food, swimming and going in his hottub. I also fell asleep in the sun, so I got a nice little burn lol :D. Which is exactly what I wanted for some odd reason, oh well :).

After James' We all headed over to Calinas and Scosh and I ended up crashing there for a few hours. We woke up really late and called my mom to pick us up after she got off work. We all jus watched tv, talked and hung with her bro and her ever so talkitive dad lol. He ended up making us some supper to, because we all hadn't ate then. My mom came around 11ish to come pick us up, Calinas dad said she could stay the night over here. What fun this will be. I kinda feel left out when I'm with them though, it kind of sucks so I just go off by myself. Whatever, Hopefully bear will be finished watching tv soon so we can through on some chick flicks. On the way home from Calinas my mom gave me some money to get a pizza, so we stopped of at Jerrys (The local pizza place that I've hung out since I was like 5, and i visit Jerry all the time lol). Turns out Jerrys on vacation up north though, So I ended up talking to Roland for 15 minutes. God, i swear, he is one of the most gorgeous guys I have ever seen :P. lol. Anyways, we headed home and now he were all, well im in my room and scosh and keena are in the other computer room, left out again...woo...lol. Anyways lotsa love huns..ttyl!

whatever.

So no sleep for myself nor Scosh tonight, thats the way it rolls around. I had a really depressing blog today, not that it matters, people who read my site shoudl be used to it. I got really really pissed off at Bear last night, what he did was completely unfuckingacceptable. God, i wish i would like dissapear, although I don't know if I would just become invisible....meh.

I think I'm going to ask my mom for some money to get my labret pierced. I've wanted it done for sooooo long. James has wanted to get his done too, so that'd be awesome if we got em done together eh?. Were talking more now, for the last few days we've hung out and called eachother. Rekindling old feelings, aw. Scotia informed me that she likes him. -That no offence girl cuz I know you'll read this - but it really made me mad. I'm just really been fucked up lately. I've got all this pent up stress i need to get rid of. Coming home to fucking robert and my mom being retarded hasn't helped. Atleast we have more freedom here, we can actually walk out, get away and go visit people now. At Scotias the nearest person was like over a km away.

But anyways, I think I'm gonna go head out now, probably go shower or something it's almost 7am. Later.

why do i try sometimes

god, some people can be complete idiots. I don't even see why I try to do anything anyways, in the end their not going to listen to me anyways. But so much for it.

Were all heading back to the trailer today, which will be a relief of talking to all my "uh friends" that I have on msn or whatever. I came online today to be accused of spreading rumours about mike and carolynn. I mean, i don't even want to talk to either of them or even about them. Its too weird and simply i have nothing to say to either of them. Mike was the one who accused me, and now Im trying to not get him to fight the people who are. I just don't wanna see tht happeen.Its just so retarded, i don't even care anymore. I'm trying to help but im getting nowhere. Oh well, it doesnt matter right? :)

Anywho, Ive gotta go get dressed n stuff, i still haven't since i showered lol, smooth eh?. Anywaho Im gone, lots of love later

lolipop lolipop

Hmm Hmm Hmm, morning glory!

I'm in a cheerful mood I guess today. I'm the only one up here, Scotias sleeping :). I haven't slept and don't plan on it either lol. I just showered and I'm wearing my kilt and whiteshirt and zipper hoodie lol. I look really preppy....lets be scared lol.

I just finished watching music videos hours on end while making bracelets fun fun. My arms are covered with them though, they look awesome, buncha different styles and stuff. Neato speado ;). Hmm Hmm Hmm cherios are yummy ;). I was just watching "Death To Smoochy" when I decided I wanted to see whos online lol. Laurie and Joanne came here for a few minutes, but then they kinda left and I don't know if their all coming home from the trailer today...Oh well lol. I forgot to ask. Josen left for work a few hours ago, so I've been awake and alone, oh the horror ;).

Yeah anyways, I finally get to talk to someone familiar!. Amandas online and were chatting and stuff, catching up on the stuff I've missed and so on. Mike's mad at her again for god knows what, god that guys got some problems, he should just chose to be friends with her or not, because hes really hurting her with this bestfriends one minute enemies next crap. He seriously pisses me off sometimes but hes not my problem and I don't have to deal with it anymore - lucky me.

Anywho, I'm out :). Gonna go finish watching mtv or the movie, lots of love everyone :) ciao!

catching up on some time

Hmm, scosha went to bed leaving me to my own doings. I don't plan to sleep at all tonight, I'm just goign to catch up on all my website work, and I plan to make a new layout as well as possibly add some new content as well as check out how all my online friends are doing :). Fun stuff for Sara! woo!

Joson let us watch a few movies today in his room while he was at work, we ended up watching blue crush and dracula dead and loving it, both kickass movies I think although I do need some new ones for myself meh. I woke up *really* late today, Scotia just let me sleep in while she watched tv and stuff so i came downstairs late into the afternoon. Not a whole lot happened other than listning to music, making bracelets, eating and talking a lot. It was fun though, the same might happen tomorrow I guess. I also thought that Scoshs family would've came home today, apparently not though. I'm not complaining ;P. lol, anywho, oh I talked to my mom on the phone last night. She was just wondering how I was and stuff so she called. She doesn't know exactly when shes coming to pick me up though, she has to reschedule some of my docs and hospital appts *rolls eyes*. But yeah, so im still up here for a long time yeay! i like it a lot up here. I dunno how Scosh feels having me up here all the time though ;) ;).I love ya girl, thanks for having me :). Anywho im gone gone. Nighty night, lotsa love!

hmm hmm hmm

Well hello stranger....

I woulda updated sooner, cept the whole factor i was out in the wilderness. Scosh's family and us headed up to the trailer for a few days of good ol mosqueto killin, campfire cookin, sleepin in tent fun. Well, Jeremy was there, so it was fun i guess?.

I figured out im a complete idiot:D. Jeremy and I like eachother, cept the whole factor of the distance thing. We ended up actaully holdin hands and playfighting when I realized something. Whats the point in starting something if were not gonna see eachother lots?. I mean, he has his g2 and everything, which means he could drive down to see me and stuff...but I'm horribly confused. Right now isn't even that great of a time for me to be going into a relationship. Even though jeremy and I have been toying around that for 2 years. It was finally nice to get to hang out with him and we hugged an all, but i just couldn't keep my mind off the whole distance issue. I do like Jeremy, and we do have good chemistry, except I just am too psyched out by myself now, I don't know what to do.

Thinking that, i know I shouldn't be in a realtionship right now, which settles my whole debate on whether I should date him or not. Plus the whole factor of James coming into view finally, that just choses my destination. I've been throwing the idea of him and I together in my head. It makes perfect sence as well. Even with us going to two different highschools we've managed to keep in contact as well as hang out every so often. With James I'm so comfortable, chemistry is beyond amazing and everything else fits. But then again, I don't plan on getting into a relationship. So for the starters of grade 10, i will be a single new reformed chick. I have completely changed since last year. Which is awesome I think. I've got a new wardrobe, new hair/makeup, new outlook, and most of all a new sence of what needs to happen. I'm more devoted to actually sitting down and working rather than last years attempt on becoming well liked. I don't care if I make tons of friends and become miss popularity or whatever (yeah I know horrible example but it works). I just want to get my work done, stay well with my close friends and even find out more about them. Being up here and away from all the crap in St.Catharines has really opened my eyes. So thank god i left and came up here. My school workload has majorly increased since I am actually going to do 3 subjects fully this year. *those who know me well, know what im talking about* And that just increases the pressure. But oh well, I can handle it, and I will do it well.

Thankyou guys for all your support with everything, it means a lot more than what some may think. Scotia, girl thanks for everything that you have been doing with me, keeping my busy, taking walks, talking for hours on end, it DOES mean a LOT to me, and I'm forever grateful. Henning, Marlena, thank you guys too, I know i haven't been around much to talk, but I will makeup for lost time as soon as I come home. Mel, Calina ASAP I will grab you two together, and we'll all have a major sleepover filled with tons of movies, and junkfood. Everyone else, thankyou though, and Tamara, I know your watching from above, we all love you soo much, thankyou for being in my life, i could not possibly find the words to describe what an impact you have made, the footsteps you have left in my mind will forever be there, as with the words that you have spoken, the advice you have given, and the love is infinitatively given until the day were all reunited. I must go now, I'm quite tired, and I hope I talk to you all soon. Lots of love :) night night.

can you look me in the eyes and tell me that your happy now?

New events have countered my life. It seems everytime i talk with mike it feels me leaving upset or emotionless. I always find new things out. And they always stay on my mind. Yet, i DONT care anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 9am to go back to Scotias. Sean's mom is picking me up and I'm going along with her up there. I can't wait to see Scosh again, I miss her like mad and we've only been apart what, 4 days?. It will be a relief going back up there, seeing as I will be gone until the 12 or 15th. YeaY.

After Scoshas i will be going away with my father, brother and my friend Max to Muskoka for a week. I'll be surrounded by males, uhgk. I'll probably tan most of the time, listen to my music and just relax. Who knows, possibly I might make friends with the other girls there, but doubtful. Feeling the way i'm feeling, I'll be lucky if I leave scotias lol.

I havent been able to see my doctor in a few weeks, which leaves me with a rather odd feeling. I have all my medications though. Their slowly pissing me off one by one lol. Theres just too manyy!. Anyways, I'm amazing tired, thank you remeron :D. But I gotta finish packing, then jump into the air condishined room ahhh :) lots of love, and tamara i love you hun.

newnew shhh!

Hmm, this seems interesting enough to try out!. Lets give it a go :).

So tomorrow I'm leaving again, calina is joining me as well :D. Were going to Scotias for a week or two. To tell the truth, ya I would like keena to come, but im not sure if i will like it :S. Vieing for her attention and stuff. i'm not even sure how I feel right now, you know?.

I found all this stuff out about tamera today :'(. I found out she's been missing since Thursday and that they found her today. She committed suicide. She hung herself in her shed :(. I haven't been able to get ahold of her for awhile. And yet I feel at loss, because maybe, just maybe if I would of been able to contact her earlier. Get to her earlier. Maybe things wouldn't of gone the way they did. I have many memories of us, she's put a place in my heart, and never will she leave it:(. Her funeral is for this thursday and I can't make it. That upsets me even more. God i miss her. She'll always be my angel though, and shes in a better place right..:(

Butterfly by Mariah Carey is on repeat right now. I'm not even sure whats happening anymore. All these feelings are rushing inside me. Feelings for mike, for james, joson, and i dont even know. I mean, i want to start something with James. Something meaningful and longlasting. Yet, i don't know what we would do because of me at swc and him at tss. Plus, im not even sure if he feels the same about me anymore :S. Mike is long gone, i know that and am happy about it. Im just merely looking at memories and cherishing them. No regrets remember?. And with Joson, i used to like him, and at the moment he says he misses me and Im only gone for a day, hes scotias brother. We watched movies together and stuff, yet i have no clue. Theres no way for a relationship, that I know. But for other things to happen. I can't let them happen, as much as if I wanted them to. But hmmf. I keep telling myself I'm not looking, but if I trip, fine. I want to stick with that the most. But im still not sure about James. I'm gonna call him in the morning, since he called me, but I got home too late to call back. Anyways, ive gotta help a new hostee. Lotsa love ciao.