| Aug 17th, 2003 - 01:15am *lays on my plush couch, curled up into a fetal position, reaching out and grabbing my journal off the table, taking the pen out of the spirals and starting to write* Le sigh. I've had alot going on lately... Most of it being schoolwork and trying to find a job after school or something for a little extra cash. I'm very slowly starting to run out of money. I've probably only got enoufgh to support myself for the next few weeks. Oh well... I'll figure something out I'm sure. The other thing I've been up to... has been Ryan of course. I don't know what it is but when I'm around him... I lose all constraints. I just let him take charge and just feel immensely greatfull for him even giving me the time of day. I mean I know I can never have him just to myself... and I don't necessarily want that. I like things the way they are. And if that means I'm his bitch than so be it. Mmm. I love this movie. "Beautiful Thing". |
[ feelinglistening to  groggy ][ feelinglistening to Mama Cass - Make Your Own Kind of Music ] |
| [ 2 Cracked the whip - Crack the whip ] |
| Aug 7th, 2003 - 12:35am *sits on the roof of my car, my laptop resting on my legs, combing my fingers through my hair idily, looking down at the flourecent lit screen and making a face* Yeah... I know. It's been a while. I've just been a total fucking hermit lately. The only thing besides wasting time at the gym and "furthering my education" has been spending time with Connor and Ryan...Good times. Definitely good times. But anyways other than that I really need to catch up with my brother more often. I hope he's alright it seems that whenever I go back to our room we always miss each other by a few minutes. I should really get out more often...I suppose. Bleh. Another thing I've been doing to keep myself entertained has been going to my favorite cliff with a bottle of scotch and my voilin. Gah... I'm a boring person |
[ feelinglistening to  lethargic ][ feelinglistening to 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny (Le shrug.) ] |
| [ 3 Cracked the whip - Crack the whip ] |
| Jul 31st, 2003 - 12:12am (New layout thanks to Ryan-Shaped.) |
| [ Crack the whip ] |
| Jul 27th, 2003 - 12:39am *lays on my bed, staring at the blank window on my laptop for a while before sighing and typing* It's.... It's been a long week. Most of which I've spent with Ryan and Connor. I took Ryan with me to my little...ehh.. "place". We went about our usual buisness. It gets sort of depressing after a while but I want it so much that I always come back for more. But I always want something more than what I already have. Alright, I admit those last few lines really make no sense to other people. But they make sense to me. Let's see... Oh, I got my car painted finally. Now it doesn't look like as much of a rust bucket piece of shit. They don't make cars like that anymore. Literally. Connor. Hmm. What can I say about Connor. Connor was at first just a big-dicked great fuck. He grows on you after a while though. Heh... It probably is the accent. And as for me... the only other thing I've been doing is making regular visits to the porn emporium and filling up on preppy starbucks mocha. Scary. I really haven;t seen my brother around much at all lately. I miss him so much. We were always supposed to be there for each other when all else fails. Eh... I'm sure he's got a good reason for the things he does. Still, I miss him. |
[ feelinglistening to  quixotic ][ feelinglistening to The Casualties - Kill The Hippies ] |
| [ 3 Cracked the whip - Crack the whip ] |
| Jul 18th, 2003 - 12:05am *exhales heavily, letting out a low groan as the sunlight from the window pours down onto my face, rolling out of bed and wobbling over to my computer desk, bringing up my journal* Yeah... how do I describe the past week... Well, I've met two highly fascinating people in the past few days... One being Ryan, the other being Blake. Ryan and me have seen quite a bit of each other recently... *smirks to myself* But with him... I don't know. He can bend and shape me anyway he pleases and I'd probably let him. I feel so comfortable around him Sort of like my brother. Blake...Hmm... Blake is so far... Just pure fun. I hate these people that have these big issues with casual sex. It's like... Mind your own fucking buisness and don't judge me in front of my own face. You want to do it on your own time... Go right ahead. I don't really give a flying fuck. Just keep all the little prudish judgemental people away from me. I think I'm done ranting for one day. |
[ feelinglistening to  calm ][ feelinglistening to The Doors ] |
| [ Crack the whip ] |
| Jul 10th, 2003 - 12:38am *sucks my bottom lip, deep in thought* Uhmm... well... alot of odd shit has been going on lately. Some of it really good.... I think. And some of it crappy. Well... now I guess the biggest thing is that my brother is going to be staying with me... in my room. But this is only so I can watch over him because those sick fucks are playing with his head again. And something happened with me...and him... the other night. Maybe I should just forget about it... He probably already has. |
| [ feelinglistening to calm ] [ feelinglistening to Jane's Addiction ] |
| [ 1 Cracked the whip - Crack the whip ] |
| Jun 28th, 2003 - 01:39am *lays back in my new bed, staring at the ceiling and sighing, deep in thought* Well... I thought it would never happen. How could they of known? I haven't even told my own brother let alone anyone else. Why are they threatening me? Why do people hate? I don't know... Speaking of my brother, Riley, I should really go see him. See how he's been holding up. Maybe even tell him. He only knows That I'm here because the same people that threatened him also started in on me. I never did actually admit it to anyone. Well now that I'm here I might as well make the best of it. This is my chance. Erase my past and start fresh. Nobody knows me here. Besides my brother. And we've always been extremely close. I feel bad for my poor mother... First of all she's all alone at home now. And I have to eventually admit to her that she's not going to get a grandson from either of her boys now. I've always been the more secluded, shady one for some reason. Not that I don't like people. I just don't like being mauled... especially by giggly, blond, coke snorting, champagne guzzling, Mercedes driving, bouncy chicks. Eh... that sounds arrogant. Oh well. I might try out for football or something eventually here. I used to play. I guess I can be "classified" as a jock type person. Whatever. Just because I tend to be active and not sit on my ass eating jello pudding snacks and bon bons while watching QVC doesn't mean I'm going to be incredibly ignorant and not know a politician from a phone sex operator. I hate the word jock. Hate it. Sterotypes are evil. But then again so are people. |
[ feelinglistening to  content ][ feelinglistening to The Faint ] |
| [ 4 Cracked the whip - Crack the whip ] |