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[To be continued...] | ||
break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: accomplished | ||
| music: I Want You | Madonna f/Massive Attack | ||
School's been kickin' my ass, man. I'm feeling overwhelmed with the work load all of a sudden. I'm desperately hanging on to my 3.8 GPA. Gotta keep it up, because the parentals called. They wanna visit. Well, actually they asked me if I'll fly down to see them, and then they indirectly threatened to fly up here if I don't come to see them. Yeah, shit. They wanna check up on me. They also said that they're gonna be calling more often. On a regular basis. Trying to keep tabs on my ass, no doubt. This'll be the first time we've seen each other since I started here at Dover back in March. I've kinda lost touch with them while I've been here. Having the world's best boyfriend can do that do a guy, you know? He's like my only motivation in getting my school work done. I've been working my ass off, trying my hardest to stay on top of things and not get sidetracked. He blackmailed me. Said he'd take away our snuggling time if I didn't do the work. So cruel, right? I know, but it really works. He's keepin' me in check, and I love him for that. I'm known for putting things off and procrastinating like crazy. I know that without him, I'd be a total fuckin' slacker. I think we're gonna hit the pool this weekend. I haven't gone swimming in months. It used to be my life until he came along. And now he's my life. I wanna do a few laps, maybe get started on doing them again a few nights each week. Maybe take him along, play around a little in the water. That'd be hotness. | ||
25 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: gettin' horny | ||
| music: Take Our Time | TLC | ||
So yeah. Babyface and I went to get our ID cards today. I think they came out really well as far as school IDs go. So here they are... mine:  And his:  He's so hot and sexy and adorable all at the same time. I've already licked his card a few times. I love the picture. Although I love every picture of him. But I could lick this one without ruining it. Mmmm... and a combination of looking at that picture too long and listening to this song is getting me kinda riled up, so I need to go. 'Cause yeah. | ||
break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: content | ||
| music: Spending My Time | Roxette | ||
I'm back. He took me back. We're back together. I know I've caused a considerable amount of damage, I'm aware of that. I fucked up, and I regret it more than anything. I'm so sorry. Although I know I couldn't possibly apologize enough to show how truly sorry I really am. Last week is something that I prefer not to go into detail with. It was pure hell to live through it once, so there's no need to relive it again. I got very sick. Love sick, actually. I had no fucking clue there really was such a thing until the doctor told me. He said the intense emotions and depression I was experiencing took it's toll on my body to the point where I gave myself the flu. I stayed in some small motel in town. Refused to eat and drink. I stocked up on meds and only drank water as I absolutely had to in order to down the meds. But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was the fact that he wasn't with me. I was all alone. Like I said, it was absolute hell. But all of that lies in the past now. And I'm trying to strictly focus on the future. I'm very optimistic about it. I love him so much. For all that he is. And for loving me enough to give me yet another chance to be a part of his life. I don't think I could go on without him at this point. I need him. He's who I am. So yeah, I'm gonna end this update here. Every single second that I'm together with him counts, so this will have to do for now. I have an amazing boyfriend I need to go take care of. We're both still feeling the effects of last week. It definitely took it's toll on us, both mentally and physically. And he's still recovering from the accident he got into. It feels so good. To see him again. To hold him again. To kiss him again. To hear his voice again. To hold his hand again. To be able to curl up with him at night and wake up with him in the morning. It feels good to smile again. | ||
1 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: sad & lonely | ||
| music: Something Happened On The Way To Heaven | Deborah Cox | ||
We had a life, we had a love, But you don't know what you've got 'til you lose it. Well that was then, and this is now, And I want you back. How many times can I say I'm sorry? Oh yes, I'm sorry... How can something so good go so bad? How can something so right go so wrong? I don't know, I don't have all the answers, But I want you back. How many times can I say I'm sorry? Oh yes, I'm sorry... You can run, and you can hide, But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me. We've had our problems, but I'm on your side. You're all I need, please believe in me. You can run, and you can hide, But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me. We've had our problems, but I'm on your side. You're all I need, please believe in me. I only wanted you as someone to love, But something happened on the way to heaven. It got a hold of me and wouldn't let go, And I want you back. How many times can I say I'm sorry? Oh yes, I'm sorry... You can run, and you can hide, But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me. We've had our problems, but I'm on your side. You're all I need, so please believe in me. You can run, and you can hide, I'm not leaving unless you're here with me. We've had our problems, but I'm on your side. You're all I need, please believe in me. They say you can't take it with you when you go, And I believe it. But taking what I've got, or being here with you, You know I'd rather leave it. You can run, and you can hide, But I'm not leaving 'less you come with me. We've had our problems, but I'm on your side. You're all I need, please believe in me. | ||
1 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: melancholy | ||
It only hurts when I'm breathing. My heart only breaks when it's beating. My dreams only die when I'm dreaming. So, I hold my breath... to forget. | ||
3 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: depressed | ||
| music: Please Sister | The Cardigans | ||
I don't even know where to start. Just days ago I was on a total high. And now it's all fucking crashed down around me. And it's all my fault. I think I've definitely reached an all-time low right about now. I mean, his bestfriend? What the fuck was I thinking? I know I'm not the only one to blame, but this whole situation wouldn't even have happened if I had even the smallest bit of will power. It reminds me of an argument we had. Our very first argument... well, it wasn't really an argument. But I remember telling him that I'm just not cut out for relationships. Apparently that's still true, even after all this time. I didn't fuck him, but what happened between us was wrong either way. So wrong. And it shouldn't have happened. And I regret every fucking second of it. I really do. It's one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my entire life. He thinks I did it to pay him back for what he did... with him... during our summer vacation. That's not true. I know he doesnt' believe me, but I swear that it's not true. I had no secret plans of revenge. What happened happened very spontaneously... and simply because I have no self-control... and neither did he. I think I broke his heart. I know I broke his heart. And knowing that is more than enough to break mine as well. I left last night... I think he wanted me to. I haven't been on campus since then. Thank god for 24-hour internet cafés. Ever since I walked out of that door, I've been feeling sick to my stomach. It almost feels like some sort of flu. Every part of my body hurts, I'm nauseated, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. So this is what heartache feels like. I'm already missing him so much. I don't know if he ever wants to see me again, and I honestly wouldn't blame him if he didn't. I'm not sure what's going to happen with us now. I don't even know if we're still together or what. And I don't think I want to know. I have no place to go right now. I think I might be forced to get a room at a nearby hotel or something... just for the night. This is what happens when you close all of your friends out of your life because you're completely devoted to your boyfriend. I've got to be the world's worst fucking friend you could ever imagine. I wouldn't even think about knocking on any of their doors right now. I wasn't there for them as they experienced some problems, and I know it wouldn't be right to expect them to be there for me either. In fact, I'd hope that they would all slam the door in my face if I showed up. Because if they wouldn't, I'd feel even worse about the whole thing. So right now, I'm left with no one. No one to turn to. No one to call. Comforting thought, huh? This day already seems like it's dragging on forever. ( So if it’s true, that love will never die... ) | ||
15 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: happy | ||
| music: If | Janet Jackson | ||
I finally managed to nurse Babyface back to health a few days ago. Which means I could finally return to my mission of getting us out of our dorm room. So we decided to hit the mall yesterday afternoon. Our little outing was definitely something interesting. See, we're all for excessive amounts of P.D.A., so wherever we go, we're always touching each other in some way. Even if it's just holding hands. Now, I know that there are a few haters out there who are grossed out by things like that. But you know what? You just don't get it, that's all. And you're jealous. But anyway. Since we are one with body contact, things occasionally tend to... well... heat up? So we decided that our goal yesterday was to not draw any attention to ourselves. We kept the touchy-touchy down to a minimum. Torture, if you ask me. But ok, so we head into A&F because he needed some boxers and some t-shirts. It's all going smoothly until we get to the t-shirt rack, where I may or may not have whispered something into his ear, causing him to accuse me of turning him on in public. He said I was trying to embarrass him. I swear I wasn't. I was being a good boy. But after that point, he was bent on teasing me in the cruelest of ways for the rest of the time we spent in the mall. He went into the fitting rooms to try on the shirts, and I was waiting right outside of the door, and he totally starts letting out a few soft moans. How fucking cruel, man! I had to fight hard to keep my little man down, or I would have walked around with a pole in my pants. Think about the stares that would have gotten. God. Surprisingly enough, we did make it out of the store without another incident. Next stop was the Coffee Bean. I have this thing for their coffee and whipped cream. It's almost an addiction. I was feeling a little playful, and I wanted to get him back for teasing me earlier, so as he was drinking his coffee, I got a little closer and licked his lips. I couldn't help it. Curiosity was taking over, and I wanted to know exactly how much better the coffee would taste off of his lips. And for the record, it tasted mmmmmm so much better. While I was at it, I put some whipped cream on his nose and licked it off. Nobody was watching, because we had a little corner booth in the back of the shop, so it was all good. Until he decided to see how far he can push me before I lose control. We started playing footsie under the table. And then he decides to take off his shoes and run his feet up my calves to my inner thighs. Bastard. I gulped my coffee down and dragged him out of that joint with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever experienced in public. I wanted to stop by a record store to pick up some CDs, but given the situation, we left the mall and hauled ass back to campus. I’m leaving the rest of what happened to your imaginations. I’m sure I don’t need to explain. Makes me feel kinda vulnerable in a way. Him knowing what buttons to push and exactly how far to push them. He basically has me in the palm of his hand. Until I top him and make him scream my name loud enough for the people in the courtyard to hear. Oops, I’m saying too much. But on another note, we had a very serious conversation on our way to the mall. Robbie brought up wanting to pay for whatever we bought, and I refused to let him. The money he has comes from his father, and his father is one person I want nothing to do with. I’ve never even met the guy, and I fucking despise him. For treating Robbie the way he does. I’m sure I’d blow up at him if we ever met face to face. I told Babyface that we need to start looking for after-school jobs. Make our own cash, and start supporting ourselves, you know? I mean, I’ll still accept any money my parental units load into my account, and that’s ok. But using money that came out of his wallet? Hell no. It gives him too much power. It shows him that we (or Robbie, as far as he knows) rely on his money. And who knows, maybe he’s the kinda guy to get off on that. Knowing that he can treat his son like a worthless piece of shit because he’ll always come crawling back for money to survive. We don’t need him, and we don’t need his money. And it’s time he found that out. And now that I got that whole update stuff outta the way, I gotta return to bed to watch some movies with my baby. ( [ooc note] ) | ||
2 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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[Mmmm... new layout, new playlist. Thanks to mah sexy bitch for hookin' up the codes. :-* New icons and update coming later.] | ||
5 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: determined | ||
| music: Do You Love? | Natalie Imbruglia | ||
I forgot how much I loved this song. Gotta love it when you dig through old CDs and find some amazing ones that you totally forgot about. Robbie and I talked things over the other night. I knew I was just being stupid. Fucking stupid. But now that it's all done and out of the way, I feel a lot better about everything. I'm still sorry for doubting him. I made it into a way bigger deal than it was to begin with. Speaking of Babyface, he seems to be coming down with the flu. He's not feeling too good, so I'm gonna play doctor and try my best to make him get better as quickly as possible. Mmmm... roleplaying, I mean what! Met Edie the other way. Not sure if I'm even allowed to call her that yet, but the chick let me drive her wheels, so I figure I can. Robbie was right, the girl's something alright. And her car. Shit, don't get me started on the car, man. That car is the stuff wet dreams are made of. Well, no, actually Robbie is the stuff wet dreams are made of, but for the sake of the story, play along. It's candy fuckin' pink, which, although a hot color, isn't my thing. It goes against the whole manly-man thing, you know? But still, I didn't think twice about being seen driving a pink car. I was bent on trying it out, so I was psyched as she asked if I wanted to take it for a spin. It drives really well. Almost feels like you're floating across the street. And as far as the sound system goes, the car's definitely got the hook-up. Girl didn't skip out on anything as she had her ride accessorized, that's for damn sure. We went out for lunch and got back to class late, but that didn't matter, I had a good time. She's a really fun person. And as I made my way to class, I couldn't help but think that the car must help her get a lot of ass. I drove into town this morning to pick up some breakfast for me and Babyface, and I decided to stop by the photo shop to pick up some pictures we were getting developed. We took a look at them over take-out breakfast in bed. Again, they came out really nice. He loves them. I know he knows that he's a talented photographer, but he still sees it as just a little hobby. ( The photos ) I keep telling him to take up photography as something more than a hobby. But he told me he's only interested in taking photos of me. Said I inspire him. See how flattering my boy is? He's one with the sweet talk. But I like it, so I'm not complaining. We were going to go out tonight. I wasn't sure where we would go, but I definitely wanted to go out. I was determined to make sure of that. In fact, I was all prepared to take some precautions before my sexy boyfriend got back to the room, so that he wouldn't tempt me into a night of hot, wild, rough, and steamy | ||
break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: contemplative | ||
| music: Get It While It's Hot | Nodesha | ||
:: Gideon walks into his and Robbie's dorm room and makes his way towards his desk, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders and carelessly slinging one of its straps over the back of his chair. He turns around, letting his eyes wander around the room briefly as he does so, noticing that Robbie is still not back from his classes, a quiet sigh escaping his lips, glad that he made it through today's classes. :: Ok, was it just me, or did classes pass by so fucking slowly today? I swear I spent a few minutes short of an eternity in physics and calc. I thought I was never going to make it out of the classroom alive. :: He reaches a hand up to the knot in his tie, fumbling around with it for a second before managing to untie it, letting the straps hang loosely over his white button-down shirt, a part of the traditional Dover school uniform. He lifts his other hand up to assist in unbuttoning the button on his shirt collar, going on to undo the top four buttons of his shirt. Slipping his blazer off of his shoulders and tossing it over the back of the chair, he walks over to the stereo and lightly presses a few buttons, turning and walking over to his bed as the beat of the first song on one of his many mixed CDs started to thump through the speakers. :: Although, that might have been because my mind's been elsewhere today. Definitely not on schoolwork. Talked to Connor for a little while yesterday. He's Robbie's bestfriend from back home. Really nice guy. We both seemed a little short with words at the time, and there was plenty that I didn't know about him and Robbie. How they met and so on. So I figured I'd ask the guy a few questions. :: Not caring if the music might be too loud for the students next door, because his mind was somewhere else, he lets himself fall down onto his bed. He carelessly kicks off his shoes as he lays there on his back, glad to finally let his body relax after sitting in those uncomfortable school chairs all day long, a part of him hoping that the loud music would drown out the crazy and paranoid thoughts that have been going through his mind since he woke up this morning. :: So, in hopes of starting a good conversation, I asked him if he and Robbie ever had anything going on between them. Robbie told me a while ago that nothing had ever happened between them, and that Connor was like a brother to him. And it's not that I didn't believe him, but, like I said, I was making an attempt to get us talking some more. And maybe a tiny tiny tiny part of my mind wondered about exactly how close they had or hadn't gotten. You can't really blame me for being curious. I mean, I saw the pics Robbie showed me of the two of them together. And, well, they did look like they were very close to each other. He told me that the two of them had kissed before. At some party, apparently. But it never went beyond kissing. Now, I know that what happened in the past is in the past, and that it's completely fucking stupid to pay any mind to it or let it bug me in even the slightest way. After all, it doesn't matter what he did back then, because we hadn't even met each other yet. But inside, a part of me reacted very strangely to that question. Almost as if his response upset me or made me jealous. I think it kinda subconsciously kicked in those territorial instincts of mine. I instantly wanted to know more. I needed to know more. So I went on to ask if the two of them every wanted to go beyond kissing. If they ever thought about it. He told me that he didn't know. And then he asked me why I was asking him all of the questions. I had to run off to my last class of the day, so our conversation stopped there. And I know this is stupid, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since then. I mean, why didn't Robbie tell me? There's a chance that he didn't think it was a big deal, so he just didn't bother telling me. I don't know. I just kept thinking about how much time they're constantly spending with each other, and that made me really paranoid. I kept thinking, what if the moment got the best of them and they lost control of the situation and did something? I know it's really bad, not being able to trust your boyfriend completely. But I can't help it, I still have big issues with trusting people. I already trust him way more than I trust anyone else, and that says a lot. But after being fucked over so many times before, I have trouble with trusting anyone one hundred percent. So, what else is there to say? I'm laying here, uncomfortable, paranoid, self-conscious. Right this second, there's nothing that I want to do more than to talk to Robbie and have him kill off these fucked up thoughts that are running through my mind. Maybe talking to him about it will make it all better. :: He stares up at the ceiling, absent-mindedly chewing on a corner of his bottom lip, raising his arm up and slipping it behind his head, a cool breeze blowing through the window, bringing in the faint voices from students passing my the building outside. :: Talk about having some serious fucking issues. | ||
10 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: blah | ||
| music: You're Makin' Me High | Toni Braxton | ||
... isn't that how that Garbage song goes? Well, that's me right about now. For the last couple of days, I've been seeing less and less of Babyface. Take yesterday, for example. We woke up, grabbed a bite to eat for breakfast, saw each other in between classes, ate lunch together, and then I didn't see him for the rest of the day. I stayed up late last night, waiting for him, wondering where the hell he was, wondering if he was coming back to the room for the night or what. See, since we've been together, I have this thing about falling asleep alone. I can't do it. It's just really uncomfortable for me... if that makes any sense. And we've been falling asleep together since we've been dating... no, wait, even before that, actually. We fell asleep together in England too, that was before we started dating. The only time we didn't fall asleep together was a couple of weeks ago as he told me... well... yeah, let's not go there. Anyway, so I ended up falling asleep alone last night. I'm not sure when he finally got in... probably sometime in the middle of the night. I don't know where he was, with who he was, or what he did. All I know is that I woke up, curled up in bed with him. We had quite a little "wake up" session. And I got so caught up in the moment that I forgot to ask where he was. I had forgotten that I was even upset over him not coming back to our room all together. But now it looks like he's disappeared again. I can't help but feel a little paranoid. I guess I still have issues with trust after all of that shit down. I know that's bad, but I just can't help it. This whole thing makes me wonder if I'm too dependent on him. I don't think of myself as a dependent person. Not really. I've never truly depended on anything before. But maybe I depend on him. Maybe it comes so naturally that I don't even notice it. Or maybe I'm just a little possessive. I know that I can get pretty territorial sometimes. Maybe the thought of him hanging out with one of his friends and spending time with someone other than me is making me jealous. Even though I don't expect us to spend every waking moment together. I completely understand that. In fact, I'm not sure if spending every second of the day with each other would be such a good idea anyway. We might get on each other's nerves or something, who knows. Whatever it is, I sure as hell wish he was here right now. I was digging through some of my old CDs after finishing my homework, and I came across this song. Haven't listened to it in forever. I had it on repeat a few times, and I got to listen to the words again. They pretty much describe exactly how I feel about him. I can imagine you touchin' my private parts. With just the thought of you, I can´t help but touch myself. That's why I want you so bad... Ooh, I get so high when I´m around you baby. I can touch the sky, you make my temperature rise. You're makin´ me high, ooh baby, baby, baby... Can´t get my mind off you, I think I might be obsessed. The very thought of you makes me want to get undressed... I wanna feel your heart and soul inside of me. Let´s make a deal: You roll, I lick, And we can go flyin' into ecstasy, darlin' you and me. Light my fire, blow my flame, Take me, take me, take me away... ( ... ) | ||
4 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: spent | ||
| music: Put Him Out | Ms.Dynamite | ||
Mmmm... too bad outdoor barebacking isn't a school sport, because I think, between Babyface and I, we got that shit down. Happy belated 4th of July? I'm still recovering from all of our "celebrating." Mmmm... Longer post coming later. | ||
6 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: happy | ||
| music: Leave The Lights On | Jewel | ||
I think I've said this before, but it can never be said enough, so here it goes one more time: I. Have. The word's. Greatest. Boyfriend. Why? Because Babyface owns all. There's no need to hate or try to argue about it, because it's just one of those things where I know I'm right. I absolutely fucking love him. And he gives great head, too. I mean, what? Hehe, it was my turn to embarrass you now, baby. But seriously, I love him so much. And I think that this has been one of the most intense weeks we've spent with each other. Probably because we were apart for a few days, because... well... yeah. And we missed each other like crazy. So now that we're back together, it's almost like we're making up for lost time, you know? We had plans to go and do a little shopping and then And yeah... needless to say, we never left the room. The boy even made me forget to do my homework, so I have a little extra to do tonight. Today, we did get out, though. We went to classes, and then met up in the courtyard afterwards, where we played around a bit. Robbie had his camera with him, he wanted to get the roll developed today, and he had one more picture left to take, so he snapped this one of me. I really like the way it came out. I think he's got this natural talent for taking really good pictures. And check out some of my hair growing back, haha. While we were in town to get the film developed, we stopped by our favorite café to get a bite to eat, and then we came back to campus. And now, we must do some homework. We'll see how that goes, with him in the same room with me. Not sure if I'll get far. | ||
break all the rules | disclaimer |
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| mood: content | ||
| music: That's How You Like It | Beyoncé f/Jay-Z | ||
Let me just start this off by saying that if I ever EVER catch anyone trying to lay the moves down on my boyfriend, or even if I hear that anyone tried to, I will personally show up knocking on your door, and I will castrate you with a pair of rusty gardening shears. And after that, I will resort to kicking your ass. Why? Because he is MINE. Not yours. So keep your fucking hands (and your smooth shit-talkin') as far away from him as possible, before you lose a few fingers too. Understood? I fuckin' hope so. Moving on. Babyface and I are back together. Why? Because these seven days that I spent without him were some of the hardest, loneliest, most horrible days of my life. And if that doesn't tell me that I need him as much as I need the air that I breathe, I don't know what does. I missed his touch, the feel of his skin, his scent, his voice, his eyes, his smile... those lips... everything, I missed everything about him so much. So I came back. Took him back. I forgave him... well, for the most part. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not hurt anymore and that everything is just as good as it used to be before everything went down, because it's not. I'm still hurt. Very much so. And we have some things we need to work on in order to have things return back to normal. But I know that he truly regrets doing what he did, and I love him way too much to not forgive him and just let him go. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know that at the end of the day, I'm the only one who can call him mine. And that's all that matters. | ||
3 | break all the rules | disclaimer |
