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A rather long update about nothing [18 Sep 2006|08:47pm] [ mood | I'm actually tired, too ] [ music | Angry words ] ::sighs:: So it has been a while since I've written in here. I find that I don't have a lot of time to do things that I want or need to anymore. Everyday now it's the basic: 7:30am - Wake up and take a shower and get ready for class 9:15am - To classes 11:50am/12:45pm - Head to work 5:00pm - Get off work and head back home 5:00 - 8:00 - Do chores, do homework, browse daily websites 8:00 - 11:00pm - Homework/IM buddy 11:30pm - Sleepy time. Mmmnn....I still say I don't have any time to do what I want. What would I like to do? I'd like to finish my Legend of Zelda fanfiction that's been pending for a ridiculously long time. Part of the reason is I'm stuck on one part and can't figure out how to proceed without it being awkward. BUT I'd need time to think about it. And I don't exactly have free time to shell out anymore. Oh, I'm still stressed. But I'm dealing with it, I think. Starting to feel it more at work, anyway. >_>; I hate insurance verifications with a passion, by the way. Those things are horrible. Don't ever grow up to be one of those guys that have to do that. People are so rude to you on the phone...and they treat you like an idiot. You rarely get a nice person on the phone. Either that or you can't understand them because they're from freakin' India and you're trying to scribble down as much info as you can as they wring it off to you. Blach. Sadly, I have about twenty of those pending, each take between 15 minutes to an hour to do. ;_; Save me, someone. Poor Maddy. She's just as stressed as I am, if not worse. Nah, she's worse than I am. I don't think I could handle working as late as she does. I feel bad about the fact that none of her books are in, but I'd rather not bring it up that it would have been a good idea to get them sooner rather than waiting to the last minute. I'm lucky I even get books...since I wait to the last minute. ::Sighs:: I wish she would have gone to AASU with me. I know SCAD has more detailed classes with art, but it's so expensive and she can't really afford it...I'm trying not to spend my money as much as I like to, but that's a hard thing to do, especially with so many cool games coming out. I just ordered Pokemon Mystery Dungeon for the DS and FireRed for GBA. Yeah, I'm a Pokemon nerd, so sue me. The only reason why I got FireRed is because I just found out my Yellow, Gold, and Silver versions have crapped out on me. Seriously. Yellow won't even load up past the title screen...and Gold and Silver keep erasing my data. I don't think I'll get the heart to throw them away though. They're too awesome to throw away. The only game that I play everyday now is Animal Crossing: Wild World. I'm tired of it, but I'd like to try to finish it. At least try to catch eveyrthing and stuff. Forget trying to obtain every item. I know that's a loss cause with me. I got Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King for my birthday. I beat it a little more than a month later. I think I averaged somewhere around 60 hours on it. Maybe? I think so. That sounds right. Anyway, I liked the story to it. I think though that the party characters could have interacted with each other a little more than they did. The accents were cool. Everyone had an English accent. But is sure got on your nerves after a while. The battles got sickeningy boring after a while because it takes forever for it to load. An exaggeration, but you'd think that the PS2 would figure out how to load faster. At least Nintendo has quick load times.  Speaking of which, I'm trying to save my money in order to get the Wii and the Twilight Princess when it comes out on November 19. I'm not even waiting for Christmas for a new Zelda game. I've spent too long waiting for a new one to come out, I'm not waiting any longer than I have to! I'm also trying to avoid as many spoilers as I can, but it's hard to do that since many sites love to make a comment about some aspect of the game. And the trailers just make me drool more. I'm trying to get into the habit of beating a game before starting on a new one. That's a hard thing to do, actually, so I'm trying to apply that to consoles. It doesn't count if I've started up a new game from an old one that I've beaten. Like Skies of Arcadia Legends - started up a new one because I had been playing the Pokemon Emerald for so long on GBA, I got console withdrawls, lol. Waiting on TP...please hurry. ::sighs again:: The one thing I miss most about my step siblings is the fact that I could talk games with them. I miss that. Madison isn't really into games, and no one else I know would even listen that long to what I'd have to say about something. But right now, they're pissing me off. I can't believe how badly they've torn up my dad's house. It's sickening. I don't even want to step foot in there. I just pray that those animals are taken care of, but I have a feeling that they aren't...the dogs and cats don't deserve to be treated that way...I wish I could still my Link (Golden Retriever) away from them...I miss him the most. Web comics are something that I've gotten into lately. I have more of those to read than anything. And I can't get away from them, and I'm starting to want more to read, but it's hard finding decent ones or ones that I'm intersted in. I know I have at least thirty in the favorite bar, but I'm not sure how many I actually read. There are some where I'm thinking about not even reading anymroe because it's getting boring and tiredsome. Plus the story hasn't been explained yet. Or the updates are ridiculously far in between, so far I've forgotten what the story is about, but I want to hang onto it anyway. I wish I had someone to talk to about that, but I'm afraid I may offend someone in my little group if I talk about them. Makes me want to draw more, too. ::doodles something horrible:: And at last, I think I'll draw this to a close, hopefully. My technology teacher is a jerk, he knows nothing and he teaches it ridiculously. Even more ridiculous is my grade in Ethics. I could not believe I made an F on a test. I have a feeling I may fail that class and end up losing my HOPE. I can't lose. I'd feel like an idiot then. I'm already skating on thin ice, thanks to Dr. Mateer...And I'm listening to an argument between Michael and my mom about the exterminator coming tomorrow. I agree that we need an appointment, but he's just blowing things way out of proportion that pisses me off. He is the one that is here all day, so why can't he just take five minutes to open the door and keep Riza out of the way? Oh, but we CANNOT assume that he will be here. Because he might not be. Ooh! I think I think twisted now, thanks to him. post comment

I need help [21 Jun 2006|07:59pm] [ mood | Please help me ] [ music | Birds chirping ] It hasn't been too long since I've written in here. Not much has changed, I suppose. I'm still very depressed (obviously), but those bits only show at certain moments. I can't seem to get happy like I know he would want me to. I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I can't cry like I want to...cry until I fall asleep...something like that. I still don't know why he died...the autopsy takes about three months because of the toxicology report. It sounds a little off to me, but...I know there are other people who died that needed those...I can't be selfish, can I? A day ago I found out my old boss, the one who hired me, died. We all thought it was on Father's day. Apparently, it was six days before his sister found him. Man...why is everyone suddenly falling over lately?! Everything bad is happening...I don't know if I can take it anymore. It's times like this that I wish I had a guy to lean on. Or at least see my best friend more often...but she has a life of her own, so...I'd rather not burden her. I know she's sick of me being depressed. But everytime I put that necklace on that has my father's ring on it, how can I not think of it? After all...I wouldn't be wearing it if he was still here. It hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. post comment

A reflection [13 Jun 2006|09:51pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | The Weather Channel ] It has been over a month since I've written in here, and I can definitely say that too much has happened since I've last written in here that I've most likely forgotten what I need to write. So much has happened...I've gotten out of school and got my grades...My Dad got into a motorcycle wreck...and then died a week later at the end of May. I'm getting more responsibilities at work...have to work some Saturdays....Sitting in Tropical Storm Alberto right now and waiting on a friend to get online for us to make plans tomorrow....I'm sure there's more, but this is all I remember for over the last few weeks... Grades from school are fine. I have one A (Internet course), B (English), B (2D), and C (Biology). I'm glad that I got a C in Biology and not a D. I know it would have hurt my GPA. Bad news is that if I have to transfer, that C won't take. I'm still dealing with the shock of not having my Dad here anymore...it's so unreal. And it happened so suddenly. Sure he got into a bike wreck a week before, but he miraculously came out with no broken bones, just a few wounds...I saw him alive Sunday. He looked okay to me. Covered in bandages, but he was my Dad. I kissed him goodbye like I always do when I go to leave and said I love you. I never thought that would have been the last time I would say that to him. I was in shock when I was told it on that early Monday morning, before 6 AM. I don't think I cried hard until I saw my brother. It...really hurts to know that I won't see him ever again. Every time I think of him, I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, but I can't cry. I can feel a pressure built up in me right now that says, "I need to sob hysterically so I can feel better"...but I can't. I miss him. I really do. His birthday was on the fifth of June. That was a really hard day, not to mention the same day that I went back to work...One thing I am grateful for is that my work has been so understanding and have been supportive of me. I guess that's one reason why I'm doing as much as I can for them right now. Especially since one of our employees just got into a bad wreck and won't be back for at least two months. ::sighs:: And it's Father's Day this weekend. My mom and I have already decided that we're going to the cemetary to visit him that day. It's an hours drive away, but it was the nearest military cemetary there is to where we live. I don't like being that far away from Dad, but...that's what everyone else wanted, so... Sometimes I wonder and think what I'll be missing out on since he's not here anymore...My computer has begun to mess up recently. Who will I ask if I really need help? Dad once said when he bought me my car that I would not have to touch a thing on it, that he would be the mechanic. Where do I go now if something goes wrong with it? What about when I finally get a guy that I like, who's going to approve of him and give him one of those 'talks'? Whose going to give me away when I get married? I can't write anymore. I don't think I have it in me to continue. Forget that I mentioned anything else. post comment

The most useless person ever [06 May 2006|02:59am] [ mood | Such a fucktard! ] [ music | random ] I am the most dumbest fucktard in the world right now. Someone please put me out of my misery. What the hell is wrong with me? How dare I fall asleep on a conversation with my best friend while talking to her on IM. Words cannot express how awful I feel. I'm shaking, from fear or anger, I have no clue. And JUST when I got her kinda happy again, I kick myself underneath the bed. What, do I like challenges? Sure, I'm not a night owl, I can't go on without at least six hours of sleep each day, and even then I need a nap. I frickin' hate that. I hate the fact that I can't function without a nap somewhere in the day. Perhaps it's because I'm very unhealthy. I dunno. But I feel like shit right now and I should. And Friday was such a good day too...::sighs:: I'm such a moron. Something TOLD me that I should try to take a nap, but I didn't....too much noise, so I didn't try. That's one reason why I hate where we live. These apartments...they don't offer that much room...the walls are thin as well. My room is by the freakin' kitchen, so I hear everything that my mom and Michael say without actually being in the room. SUCH a fucktard. (Has been reading waaaay too many Penny Arcade archives as of late) I feel sick to my stomach now. I'm such a rotten person. Someome slam a hammer over my foot or something. Please. post comment

A Good Friday rant [14 Apr 2006|10:50pm] [ mood | I hate country music ] [ music | Final Fantasy X Vocals ] Gah, I ate allergies! It always makes my throat hurt....;_; I could go for some ice cream....if it weren't 11:00 at night...blah. Today was a very busy day, blah blah. Didn't really hear too much in Biology lecture, but I kinda never paid too much attention in that class anyway. Guess that's one reason why I'll end up with a D. Professor Fish was still kinda all coughy today, but she gave us back our clock paintings. 5 out of 6. It was okay, but I was expecting a 6, actually. And I still think that orange was orange, not yellow orange. And now we have to recreate a master's painting with magazine clippings. Oh my goodness. This is going to take a while. I chose one of Paul Cezanne's fruit pictures 'cuz I thought it'd be easier...I guess it will. We also have to do some kind of landscape picture...not sure how though. Work was busy as crap. I ran around making copies, getting things ready for doctors all day and I still didn't finish it all. I think Cheryl is angry that I didn't, but I honestly didn't have the time. All four hours of work were worked to the max. I was very tired when I got home. Imagine my disappointment to be awaken from a nap by my mother's and Michael's yelling over Keith Urban's country songs after about thirty minutes of snooze. That pissed me off. I don't understand why she has to play it so much. I'm so sick of it and I tell her that, but all she tells me is to put headphones on. Why do I have to suddenly listen to music in order to not here hers? I would like some quiet when I get home, but noooo...I have to listen to that Keith Urban constantly. And she tells me that she doesn't play it that often. Hello? She plays it everyday! I'd like to take the CDs away, but she'd know it was me. Maybe I can do something to to the stereo... So I registered for my classes tonight. And apparently I've been rejected for my financial aid or something. I'm kinda confused as I'm broke as a joke, but I dunno...I'm afraid to go to the Financial Aid office because they know my face....kinda...lol. On the bright side, all of my classes begin after 10:00 am and end before 1:00pm. Awesomeness. By the way, it is hot as a mofo. post comment

My toe is sticky with red [13 Apr 2006|09:44pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | D N Angel ] My little toe is bleeding. Hee...kinda weird to begin with something like that, huh? I ran into Riza's bone while holding my fluffy Rowan...I think I'm going to throw that mammoth bone of hers away...O.o; Though I always have the urge to beat someone upside the head with it because it's so big...it's like a horse leg for cryin' out loud! So anyway....starting to get over my bout of depression this time, I guess. I'm really tired right now, I guess because I went to bed at midnight last night...ech...I really shouldn't be doing that again...and it seems so much later, I guess most of it is because it's so dark out there right now and I'm not used to the time change, but still.... I'm glad tomorrow is Friday, even though I'll be super busy at work it seems. I hope it'll go by fast so I can plop down on my bed for my traditional Friday nap...I usually never sleep, just rest lightly, but I feel better afterwards... I just kinda wrote junk for my Biology discussion questions. I could care less right now, now that I realize that I'm going to get a D, at best in there. Besides, the professor told us that he doesn't read those anyway. So...what's the point of trying? I'm glad I did get it out of the way though. Hopefully Friday night I'll remember that I want to work on the webpage for Biology. It's due Monday, so I want to hopefully finish it by Saturday. I'll probably be studying (or should be at least) for most of the day Sunday for the Lab Practical on Monday. Kinda need to pass it. I'd write more, but I'm too damn tired. post comment

Depression just kills my motivation for everything [12 Apr 2006|09:08pm] [ mood | The bunny says it all ] [ music | Tales of Symphonia Soundtrack ] Despite having a good bit of homework and studying that I could be doing, I'm sitting here... Doing nothing. Lovely, no? Been doing it ever since I got home from class today at about 12:15 or so. Just...can't seem to motivate myself to do anything...I got a call from my dad at 6:30am this morning, mumbling for me to come over after work. Reluctantly, I told him I would be there at about four. Why do I feel so bad for doing this? Is it because I know what kind of scene I'll be greeted with? And I was right, he was sleeping again. My mom and I tried to wake him up, but he only fell back asleep after muttering a few words. It seems his medication has affected him in such a way that he can't stay awake very long. Eh....suddenly, I'm struck to not talking about this anymore. Like I said before, I've been doing pretty much nothing since I got home. I ate lunch and laid on my bed for a wonderful hour of sleep. And for a half an hour after that, I struggled to wake up, half dreaming that I already did and was doing things. Weird, no? Class today was pretty easy, actually. Our critique was supposed to be today but the prof was still sick, so she took our assignments back home with her. Only now am I thinking of what kind of germs she'll be putting on it...oh well. Getting sick now wouldn't matter much. I also has my advisement meeting today, prolly the most interesting part of my day, talking about what kind of classes I'll be taking in the Fall. I guess this means I'll be a sophmore? I dunno. I should have more concern about this, but honestly, I'm too depressed to worry about it. No motivation kind of thing, I guess...anyway, I'll be taking Introduction to Information Technology, to see if I'm really going to be an IT major. Thinking about it, but lately I can't seem to motivate myself into thinking for a while. Other classes I'll be taking should be: Civilization II (after Christopher Columbus, I prefer the more modern history of our world), Introduction to Psychology (oh god, I'm half anticipating and half dreading it), and Introduction to Ethics and Moral Philosophy (meaning I get to debate with people about abortion issues and such...). I'm kinda looking forward to it and kinda not. I just hop it's not going to be ragging my brain like this semester has been doing to me. And Mr. Anderson, my advisor, told me that if I was leaning to an IT major, I would have to take another Biology with a lab. I was like....wtf? Why would an IT major need Biology of all things? To compare the inner workings of the computer to the body? I can understand the three additional courses in Math...><;;....::whimpers:: ....oh well. This is what I want....right? Obviously I'm depressed right now. I want to talk to someone, to push everything out of my mind, but it seems I have been left alone tonight, alone with my thoughts....never a good thing. Where will my thoughts decide to take me tonight? For some reason, I'm dreading work tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I don't want to go anywhere, actually. I just want to lie in my bed, listening to the songs on my favorite radio stations and talk with my best friend on the IM. Tonight, I am worn out. I am on the brink of letting the tears flow, but I'll try my hardest not to cry. After all....what issue in my life would I sob about this time? post comment

Open a book, read a page, dive into a heart [11 Apr 2006|08:24pm] [ mood | Thinking of anything I suppose ] [ music | Various Game soundtracks ] .... Agggghh....Must life be so dramatic sometimes? Must it twist so hard on the road we travel that we hit the tree that was supposedly far away? Does it like throwing innocent little animals in front of you at the last second, where it's too late to stop so you'll... ...All right, it's getting a little morbid and stupid now. I'm quite anxious for some reason. I can't figure out what it is...okay, I know it's gotta be one of two things: my dad, who can't seem to stay awake for more than three hours...or my buddy who I'm useless to right now. Aggh, I want to tear my hair out and figure out which one it is! The rising lump in my throat is going to choke me! ...and now the anxiety is passing, a relief to my pained stomach and mind as of late. Hm...where do I start now? School? Sure. Let's see....I think I'm getting the hang of 2-D design now...right when the semester ends, heh. I've had a few comments that painting seems to be my thing...that would be something nice that I inherited from my maternal grandmother. I think I may possibly pull out an A in that class, but only if I try my best on the final projects...I sure hope I do get that A. Uhm...my Internet class....good, good. I know I'll pull an A in there. I'll be disappointed if I don't. And confused, but....ah, almost positive I'll get that A...turned in all assignments on time, got full credit...even got full credit on my project checkpoint. Hope it works...after all, I'm thinking of leaning in this direction for my major. English...meh, getting to where I can't stand it too much. I'm suddenly not into reading why the author chose this particular word, or....why did he use personification on a piece of liver rather than just describe it to us. I think this class has drained the desire to write out of me. My poor neglected fan fic...it's over two years old and still unfinished. I want to finish it, but I have no inspiration....darn it. I am happy about one thing, though: On my last Literary Analysis paper, I got a B-. This one I got an A-. Oh yeah. Gettin' better. LOL. Biology....ugh...if one course is kicking my ass, it's this one. Prolly gonna pull a C out of this one....yeah, I know. But I just don't see a B or an A anywhere. It's not possible. I've pretty much either failed each test or barely passed it. Personally, I could care less about how DNA synthesizes or how cell divides. I don't care about the name of that little enzyme that helps plants photosynthesize. I really don't!! And I try in this class, I really do...but nothing seems to help. Good thing I'm not going to go in the medical field. I hope. Which...is weird, especially if you consider a few things in my life. First of all, my dad's health. Seems to be detoriating, mentally and physically. More on that later. Secondly, I work at a medical equipment company, and lastly (though not really a coincidence, I guess), my English 1102 class' main subject is centered around medicine and health. Is there a connection here?! O_O; I don't wanna be a doctor! Least I don't think so...you have to know all this...stuff...and I'm not smart enough anymore to do that. I've decided that I've become too much of a clueless moron to do something like that. Aheh. And no one here cares enough to tell me a difference.... Ah, my dad. Dear ol' dad. What's left of him. Sleeping life away by the small capsules given to him by a doc who loves to give out the chalky candies. (pills, unimaginative people) I spent the whole weekend at his house, listening to him sleep. I saw him awake ONCE. For the entire 48 hours I spent there, I think he was awake for about three hours when I was there. I don't know whether to be upset at him...his doctor...Michelle...or myself. God, I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. Cheryl's no help, just makes me feel worse...and fathers are a touchy subject for Maddy. Sorry for complaining so much. I'll stop. And as I draw this entry to a close, as I have the feeling it has gotten to long again, too long to discuss my mother'd obsession with country music with you good folks, I'd like to say one thing that's been on my mind lately. Relationships. Love. Go hand in hand, even though they can be different. Lately I've been wondering...ten years from now...will I have had a chance to love someone? With all my heart as I desperately want to? To hold them close so they won't leave me or desert me like we hear so much on these days? These fairytale romances that I've grown up on, these loves stories I've read and continue to read...could it be possible for some dinky little girl like me to have something like that? I think I could possible be in love with someone. I'm not sure. I think I love what I remember of him. I smile happily when I think of him, but it soon fades, as I know he'd never return my heartfelt affection. Adieu~ post comment

Stressings with Cake [09 Mar 2006|10:00pm] [ mood | I'm tired of the stress... ] [ music | Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time soundtrack ] It's weird...next week is my Spring Break...and I'm not jumping down estatically for it to come. Okay, figuratively, I am. I am waiting impatiently for it, heh. ::Sighs:: ...Life certainly is interesting, no? Becoming even more depressed is making my skin break out worse now, ugh. I swear, a pimple just popped up about two hours ago on it's own. That's scary. I hate this because I wash my face everyday and it's like I don't...Too much stress. It's still wreaking havoc on my stomach. I mean, I still get the bad stomach aches now and then...Usually, it's in class, so I have to just deal with it. Work has gotten better, I guess. I've been moved again to the corner area, which I like because I'm out of the way of everything. Plus, the desk area is bigger and it seems to be more comfortable over there, air wise. I'm just tired of Cheryl treating me like a little kid with everything. I've gotten kind of irritated at her lately. Oh well. School work has been interesting. I'd go into it more, but I'm starting to get kind of sleepy, so I'll be brief. Biology test grade was added wrong, so the teacher has to fix that. It turns out I will pass 2D, looking like a B so far, so that's good. Turned in our literary analysis paper last week, sure I made a C on that... Internet class is starting to get really interesting...I'm thinking of making that my major since Biology is dragging me down and 2D is really not my thing, not with all those other artists in there. Real life: Oh...jeez. First I have to hear my Dad say, "What's the point in living? I'd rather die." Wow. Way to go, Dad. Way to make me feel good about myself. I guess I'm not as good of a daughter than I thought I was if I make him that unhappy. Secondly, I find out that my brother is going to be moving out in a couple of months. Initial reaction: Happy that I don't have to hear him and his girlfriend when I pass by his room now, not to mention no more pot smell. But then I got to thinking about it: he pays most of the rent here where me and my mom stay. She once told me that without him, we wouldn't be able to live here. Which makes me think of two options: One, we're moving to a trailer, which I despise the idea horrible and two, we'll stay, but one of us will have to get a second job and I will have to pay more money to her. Whatever let's us live in a home and keep our animals, ya know? Speaking of animals, we found out from Riza's lil vet trip that she has a real bad case of heartworms....like level 3 out of 4. Mom says that ten years ago, if a dog had a level 3, they wouldn't bother with it...it was too far out of their reach...at least now we have something to treat a level that high. Though the even worse news is that there has been a lot of damage to her internal organs and she will not live as long as our last rottweiler. It makes me sad....she didn't deserve this. Why does some damn parasites have to do this? Heh....I've been told I'm far too compassionate in this world. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm not going to try for a doctor. Or maybe I just need a boyfriend...heh...that'd be...nice. post comment

A Random update on me life [26 Feb 2006|02:58am] [ mood | streesed into sleepiness ] [ music | Tales of Symphonia Soundrack ] ::yawns:: ...O.o; Oooh, it's...early. Been a long time since I've written in here. I've been wanting to write something, but I never found the time...because of the stinking school work I've had. >_>; Evilness. Because of the increasing load in my school work of college, I've begun to wish that I didn't work. Why, you ask? Well, it takes up a lot of extra time. Time that could be spent doing homework. I'm already down to three days a week going to work instead of five like last semester, and four like a few weeks ago. It feels strange, but it's nice to be able to go home on that extra day and there be no one at home. Peaceful enough for me to concentrate, even though there's only about three hours before the noise rushes in again....and it'd help if I actually stuck to doing homework. Last time I had the day off, I took a two hour nap...^^;;; Whoops. Oh well. It was...nice. And with all this school work starting to pile up now, it's getting harder and harder to get back to my fanfiction. >.<; I have such a big writer's block for the chapter I'm on now, but I want to write it....I feel bad for drawing it out this long, but...I don't even have time to take a breath without thinking, "OMG! This is due in like, two days and I haven't done crap on it!!" ::Sighs:: ....college bites, man. And I STILL haven't figured out my major, so don't pester me on it!! ><; So far, Saturday was devoted to my Biology study guide for a test that is Wednesday. I didn't do so well on the last test, so I'm hoping I'll make a better grade on this one...I think I really need it in order to pass Biology. o_o; I don't think I could take having to retake this course again. Oh, and speaking of Biology, I had a Lab pratical Monday. Made a 38 out of 50. That's not so bad, only 12 points away from a perfect. I'm okay with that grade... Two dimensional Design...>_<; Ugh, Why can't I seem to get better in this class? I have a feeling I'll be pulling a C in this class, at least that what it seems like with the grades I've been getting on these assignments. I think I've gotten like...three fives and a four, the max being six. This semester has been so much harder on me....Next semester, I'll rethink carefully on what I'll take. I'm pretty sure I'll be taking another computer course....and if I need to, Biology again. o_o; ....but anyway, back to 2D...>_<; It feels like the teacher is picking on my art stuff more and more than anyone elses. Everyone else seems to be showing improvement while mine is the same old crap. And I'm starting to get worried about this final exam test at the end of the semester. I know nothing about textures and lines and stuff...I'm just starting to panic. And now for this assignment, we have to do textures on a previous project we've done...>.<; I compared mine with a few other students (glancing around the room of course, not actually walking up to them), and theirs seem more abstract than mine. I knew I was doing it wrong. I always do these sorts of things wrong. I know I'm going to end up getting a bad grade on this project. The teacher said she is going to talk to us individually on how we're doing. When she tells me I'm doing bad in her class, I'm just gonna be like, "I've never taken an art class before. I thought I had an interest in art, but this class just sucked it right out of me." ...maybe something along those lines. English 1102...I have a paper due Thursday, and I have so far a crummy introduction paragraph written along with a choppy second paragraph. There is a peer review on Tuesday. There's no way I'm getting it done then, so I plan on skipping that class. I hate peer reviews anyway. I have no clue how to fix someone else's paper, and that person has no clue on how to fix my paper. I say it's just a waste of a class. But oh well. I really can't complain about my Internet class. I just finished the website that we had to do for homework and it looks decent, but ya know....I really need to start working on the project a little more, but I'm still trying to figure out the layout. Work....eeh...it's stressful, no matter what they say. I wish all I had to do was filing, but that'd be pretty boring. It wouldn't put as much stress as I have now on me, though...ya know? Bob also has a guy in mind that he wants me to meet. He's a Christian military man. The guy sounds nice, but...I don't have anything to offer this guy. I'm not pretty enough or interesting or anything. Plus my dad is sick again and he says all these horrible things, which make me feel like crap and want to cry. Ugh....Sometimes I'd like to sleep the whole day away, or at least be lazy for a good bit of a day. That would be...refreshing. Guess I should go to bed now or something, since it's almost 4 a.m. post comment

Major blunder [09 Feb 2006|09:08pm] [ mood | I need to pick a damn major... ] [ music | none ] ::yawns:: ... Today I saw a wreck. O_O Not many people can say when they walk out the door of where they work, they see a white pick up truck crash into a burgundy car. Okay, smack into it, is what my friend prefers to say. I say crash because it left a big crinkly dent in the car. I have no idea how the truck looked, I didn't see that side. Oh well. I'm sure the people are okay except for some whiplash or something. Man, it seems like Tuesdays and Thrusdays are my easy days. Not that I don't mind...but why is it always the classes that are the easiest when I don't go to them that often? I guess it's becase the teacher can't give out that much work, but still...I wish my 2D design class was easier for me. I feel like such a n00b in that class. Everyone else seems to create these awesome things...not to mention that nearly everyone else's major in there is Art....and I still haven't figured out mine. ::sighs:: And yes, I am constantly reminded of it. ...what did I want to be when I was a little kid? I remember wanting to be a voice actress. But...I dunno...I think my shyness would prevent me from accomplishing it. I can do all these weird voices, too...but I don't think that's a special talent... A doctor? ....eh...maybe...I know there's no way I'd be a surgeon. o_o; Playing around with someone's insides? Uh-uh. Not to mention that there is a lot of work involved with being a doctor. Like keeping up on new medicines...procedures...medical terminology that you'd have to remember of ridiculously long words....Maybe because I'm lazy, I don't think I can do it. Vetrinarian...? ....sure, I thought about it. Taking care of animals....but I don't think I could handle the surgery part. I do love animals a lot... Computers? Sure, I've thought about it a lot, leaning more toward this than anything. Working with computers is easy...you don't have to talk to someone face to face...great for an outcast like me. And I like working with html. Just....there's a lot more to keep up with on computers. See, I dunno. I need an epiphany or something. Something to push me in the right direction... ;_; Gah. Help. post comment

This probably doesn't make much sense, but oh well. [01 Feb 2006|10:58pm] [ mood | I should be doing stuff!! ] [ music | Tales of Symphonia Soundtrack ] I should be in bed now....o_o; I should have done homework for that last hour...I'm going to regret not doing it later... But oh well. I wanted to be lazy. Well, I got to be lazy alright....>>;; Now I got to figure out when I'm going to do the other homework. I really don't think it's going to take as long as I think it's going to, it's just that I have to tutor that kid again tomorrow...>_>; Why bother? I suck as a tutor, so that's $15 that the father is wasting on me. But it's still gas money... I really hope he tells me he can't do it tomorrow. And just so you know...I am allowed to have Wednesday off! XD I so happy. 'Course watch, now I won't have much to do on that day off. >_>; And I did have to redo my project. At least one of the pages. That pissed me off, but not as much as being told I don't follow directions when she didn't even mention the thing!! So I had to buy an apple from the cafeteria because of it. >_>; Grrr...I would have stayed very mad if not for a girl complimenting me on my idea of what I was going to do with my project... It's nice getting compliments again. ^^ post comment

Commentary on the rain and a dash of life [30 Jan 2006|09:05pm] [ mood | Somewhat happy, I suppose ] [ music | A mixture of rainfall and Fullmetal Alchemist soundtack ] ::Sighs:: .... ....You ever get where you're looking forward to doing something, and when you finally sit down to do it, it's like....I don't even want to do it.  Granted, the assignment I am talking about is not due until Friday, so I still have some time to work on it before it's deadly deadline. I should technically working on other things than that...like the Biology take home test that's due Thursday. Forget the positive/negative sharpie picture thing I have to do for 2D. My head hurts enough already from the sharpie to do anymore with it. Besides, as soon as I laid that sharpie down on the paper, it was wrong. It's just how things go in that class. I can never do anything right. Blech. It's started to rain now. It's kind of peaceful, even with the thunder in the background. The air always smells so fresh afterwards...::Sighs again:: I called into work to tell them I wouldn't be there tomorrow. Dionne and Cheryl seemed to not like that, but oh well. They stress me out too much there...it may not seem like it, but they do. Ooh, now we have lightning.... You can tell how bored I am with me commenting on the weather like this...I really should be doing homework. Oh, the rain's gotten faster...I can't even hear the music on my computer over it... still, it is kind of nice. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about video games, like Tales of Symphonia and Fire Emblem...and of course the Zelda series... But alas....no one I know is such a deep fan of these games as I. Crap! I still need to play AC:WW!! o_o; post comment

Just Useless [29 Jan 2006|09:16pm] [ mood | ::sighs:: Useless! ] [ music | Eternal Arcadia Soundtrack ] Do you ever just get the feeling that you're just ...useless? That nothing you ever do to try to please some people, it's never enough. They get mad at you at the slightest thing, and when you try to get them to open up, they shove you away? ...yeah. I think we all have that feeling once in a while. Lately, it seems to be happening everyday. I seem to be doing everything wrong for this one person....I've been told my faults lately more than anything, so I've begun to wonder... Do I really have any redeeming features? You know...something that makes me stick out of a crowd...something that when someone mentions a word, my friend would say, "Oh! That reminds me of Jill..." Nah. Never. Not anymore, at least. I've pretty much lost all the friends that actually gave a flip about me back in highschool. I've got one still left, but lately, it just feels like pitying or only tolerating to be around me. Am I that pathetic? I have trouble staying awake for too long, even with a nap, so I suck at staying up late. I have a job and go to school that wears me to near exhaustion when I get home. Who wants to be around someone as pathetic as that? I got pretty stressed out at my job on Friday that they sent me home. Honestly, it is getting to be too much with work and school, especially with what they expect me to do at work. They want me to get these important things, and I still think that it would be better suited if someone else that was there all day to handle it. I want to quit because of that, but all the people there are so nice. My boss started scolding me about how I'm letting things pile up and I think that's where I lost it. I just couldn't take it anymore. When I see her on Wednesday, I guess I could try to tell her that it is becoming stressful. I miss the days where I had plenty of time to do homework. You know what I did all weekend. HOMEWORK. I never did that, at least not to this amount. I'm thinking about coming in on less days. Sure, that would cut my hours and money down, but with going to school only on half days, I'd actually have peace and quiet at home to do homework and relax. I think that would be the best thing for me right now. The only problem would be deciding what day. Probably Wednesday, because it's the middle of the week. Video games...never have I been so addicted to them. It's probably because I'm depressed, and I need something to help me escape. All these wonderful stories help me forget, at least for a little while. I still have many games to finish, even though I just started up another new file on Symphonia. It's really hot out here now. And I think my face is breaking out more because I'm so stressed. Damnit!   post comment

Probably the last entry for the Year of 2005!!! [29 Dec 2005|05:39pm] [ mood | I am in a good mood ] [ music | Tales of Symphony soundtrack ] Whew...it has been a while since I've written in here. I've been meaning to for the last couple of days, but I just ran out of time...^^; So Happy be-lated Christmas! I am still employed at Medi-Home Care as the lowly gangly, File Clerk. Recently though, I have begun to wish that I could go back to school as soon as I could because I'm tired of being there all day with not much to do. For the past few days, I have been sitting there and waiting on Cheryl to finish whatever frugal task she's doing in order for me to help her or vice versa. In fact, yesterday I got pissed off at her. I'm not exactly sure why I did: I think mostly it's because she gets so many personal phone calls during the day and she'd spend a long time on them and won't do any work. That irks me, because in my opinion, you really don't need to have a personal conversation at work unless there is an emergency or family's coming up...something along those lines, not just, "OMG! Do you know what he said to me?!" I mean, come on...I really don't want to hear about her personal life. I have enough issues to deal with. Speaking of school, I AM going back in January. January 5, 2006 to be precise. I am taking Biology with a lab, Fundamentals of the Internet and World Wide Web, Two-Dimensional, Design, and English 1102. Looking forward to exercising my mind. Hopefully these classes won't bore me like a zombie like the first ones did. Oh, my grades from that semester are three B's and two A's. XD Yay!! And more good news: My scholarships refunded the money my mom and I paid for the Fall semester of 2005, so we've got about $2000 extra! Nice Christmas present! XD And since Christmas has come and gone, I shall list what I got: an MP3 Player, two games (Final Fantasy IV and Wild arms something for PS2), some manga, a gift bag from my aunt and uncle, two scarves with a matching hat, $100, and my mom is ordering the Gameboy SP Zelda edition offline! XD Whoo-hoo! I am SO happy that I'm getting that SP. I've been drooling over it ever since I saw pictures of it. Any Zelda fan would love it, that's what I think. I also bought myself Shadow the Hedgehog and Animal Crossing: Wild World a little while ago. Shadow seems...eh. I think they could have made that game better. It's too bad they didn't make it like the Sonic Adventure ones. I would be more inclined to play it. But...since I am a fan of the angsty black hedgehog, I got it and will try to beat it. Animal Crossing is pretty fun, too. I like it, but it seems to be much harder to get money on this game. I haven't even tried the WIFI connection thing. I need to buy an adapter for it, apparently. I don't want to try the WIFI connection until my town looks better, though. These towns look so ugly in winter because of the brown ground. Oh, and in this game, you can create your own constellations, which I've already filled up the sky with some before I even let my stepsiblings play it. I put a Triforce up in the sky ^-^ I went around on the web, looking for real constellations, and the good looking ones that I found that could actually fit in the sky were the dippers, a lynx, a phoenix, Leo, and...something else, I think. Can't remember and I haven't started up the game yet for today. Overall, it's a good game, it's just one of those games that you HAVE to play everyday in order to get where you want to be in the game. To me, AC is just not one of those games that you can beat in a week. If someone did, they cheated! >.<; Fanfiction: Eh heh heh...jeez, I'm such a slacker. I don't mean to be. I have to write the Forest Temple now and I wanted to do it on my break, and of course, I didn't. I also expected more reviews, but I didn't get any...those punks...the hit counter reveals all!! I also have NO inspiration to write it just yet. I can't picture how it starts. And I wanted to put it up before the new year! ;_; There's no time. Maybe I can get it done this weekend. I hope so. Gah, the holidays are horrible for webcomic time. All my favorite webcomics are on hiatus until January 9th, or somewhere around there. Even though I'm done with reading the new page for all my comics in five minutes, I still miss the lil' drama that happens. >.<; And I don't see the point for comics that update once a week to go on break! You update once a week. ONCE A WEEK! It's not like you're busting your butt three times a week like some other comics to update. Ah, just my opinion. Comics that update everyday, three times a week and maybe twice a week should take breaks, but never those that update once a week. It just feels like you're going to lose more readers that way because you're only updating once a week. I do think, however, if they put up all the pages that they missed while on break, then it's okay. But I think only one of my comics are doing that...and they update three times a week. >.>; And Maddy has gone to visit the relatives in FL. I miiiiisss heeeer. ;_; It's so lonely. I just go to bed early with her not here. Might as well get some extra ZZ's. Come back soon, Maddy. Oh, and Happy New Year's, Peoples. ^.^ Randomness: I found a 'Rate your Life Quiz' online while browsing websites. Check out my results. @_@; This Is My Life, Rated Life: 4.7 Mind: 4 Body: 4.8 Spirit: 5 Friends/Family: 3.2 Love: 2.1 Finance: 5.5 Take the Rate My Life Quiz Your Life Analysis: Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is on the low end. Making key changes to different aspects of your life will bring you greater fulfillment. Do not be discouraged. Seek help outside yourself if need be. There is always time to change, and change will bring many rewards. (Read more on improving your life) Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is rather low, which means that your mental state is not in tune. Learn to filter out the noise of everyday life. Unplug, relax, read a good book. Take up a new area of study. Simplify and focus your mental energy and your mind function will improve. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the mind. Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather low body score, which means that your physical health is not in a good condition. You must put a higher priority on your body, focusing on nutrition, exercise, and stress reduction. Proper focus will lead to great improvement, leaving you feeling energetic and happy. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the body. Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score leaves room for improvement. Consider making a concerted effort to redefine your attitudes and focus your beliefs. Boosting your spirit will lead to greater life satisfaction. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the spirit. Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score suffers, yet it does not need to be this way. Strengthen your social network by reaffirming old bonds. Seek out new friendships, and they will provide you the reward you need. Try using MeetUp.com to find people near you who share your interests. Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very low, indicating trouble. There is love out there for you. Seek the advice of wise people on how to go about finding it. Do not lose hope. Read advice from other quiz-takers on finding and maintaining love. Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your finances are somewhat in the middle, neither bad or exceptional. Keep doing what works for you, and improve what doesn't. Focus on long-term financial stability as your goal. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving your finances. XD I am a stupid, unhealthy and lonely little girl. Someone fix me. post comment

Update...and give me chocolate! [01 Dec 2005|08:15pm] [ mood | I want...to...inflict...pain.. ] [ music | The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Soundtrack ] Wooo.....I haven't written anything in here for a while.... The end of my first semester of college is tomorrow. WOOT! Okay, so I have to go back Monday and Thursday of next week to finish up some exams, I don't have to listen to teachers lecture all day! YAY! At least until January... My dad ended up in the hospital a week ago because he was throwing up for three days straight. Turns out he's got some serious stuff going wrong with him. I'd rather not go into the details. I'm worried enough about him... Gah, these puppies are driving me insane. We put them into the kitchen with a dog gate because my mom can't sleep with their yipping...well...you can imagine the floor is not that...clean. >_<;...I do not want to eat because of that floor. I'd rather starve. And I am out of socks. My mom keeps saying she'll clean it. >_>;...she's worse about putting stuff off than I am. I'm sorry, but I'm so pissed at her right now about things like that. I'm not saying anything to her because I've been doing it bad lately, but damn....if she doesn't do the things she's supposed to soon, I'll do them...and I'll make sure to bitch about it afterwards so she'll get the damn hint!! So Maddy's buds have been somewhat giving her a hard time lately. This is one of those times where I wish I lived near her. I really would say what I think to those people...>_>;...and it wouldn't be pretty, especially to a particular person. I hate how upset she is over it. I'd love to throttle some people. I just lost my old memory card for my Gamecube that had all my first game's data on it....Sonic Adventure 2, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Wind Waker, Masterquest, Mario Party 4, Starfox...the most one I'm heartbroken over is the SSBM data. I don't know why...just something tells me that even though SA2, I had nearly the 180 emblems and awesome CHAO, the SSBM loss is hurting more. I really hope I find the memory card so I won't have to do that again.... Lately, I've been getting lots of fanart on my computer. I guess it's because I want pictures drawn by people. ;_;......my desktop is one of my favorites: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time main cast drawn in chibi form by Betty Wong, I believe...it's so cute. The only other art I've been grabbing is just illustrations from the webcomics that I read. And I'm not doing it to steal their work or anything...just like the illustrations. After my zelda desktop gets old, I'm putting up one of Sky Fall Manga. ^^ The two gay guys are just so cute. I'm thinking about getting a game this weekend....it's a toss up between Shadow the Hegdhog and Mario Party 7. Sadly I've been a long follow of both series, and it's actually a hard decision. It's too bad Animal Crossing for DS comes out really soon (I think within a few days), or I might have had that to consider. I'm leaning more toward MP7 because of my brother Devon wanting to play with and it looks really fun. Gah, I am so hungry right now....and the sad part is I just ate an hour ago. ;_; Help.       post comment

Today is make me angry day, kind of [04 Nov 2005|05:58pm] [ mood | Arrrgggh! You people! &%$&@!!! ] [ music | Legend of Zelda: Windwaker Soundtrack ] ::Sighs::.....I thought today was a kind of a good day, but now..jeez...I just can't wait for school to be out so I can go to work all day and make more money. School itself was actually good. I studied for my Algebra test and I think I did pretty good on it. I'm checking the grade on it now.....damn...I hate myself now. 81.2%. Damnit...and I thought I knew this crap. That pisses me off even more now. So...work...usually I don't have much to say about it, but I do today. When I got in the door, I was instructed by Kavie to get a sub sanwhich and then Cheryl tells me to sit in on their meeting. That was like...a wasted hour for me. I felt clueless throughout the entire meeting, but Cheryl says it was okay. When I started to do my work, Cheryl got distracted on how part of her work got undone, and things just kind of blur together there. Then at 3:00, the office games started. I don't know if I mentioned them on here yet, but I'd really rather not explain the crap again. My team came in dead last. I felt like crap; I didn't do anything to help them win. Sure, I found some stuff on the shelf, but so did Dionne. Cheryl was doing all the work, and our captain Richard didn't come back until it was all over. Bruce kept trying to get everyone to shoot the 3/5 ball, where if you make it, you get 3 points, but if you miss, you lose 5 points. I almost felt sure that I could make it. But I didn't try. When Richard came back, he tried it...and missed. So now we are even further behind everyone. I feel like a stupid piece of flesh now. Part of me is going: What's the point of trying to win now, and the other part is saying, Well, I have to do better next time. It sucks because I can't do jack in that office because I don't know where most of the stuff is, I don't know how to do computer work....and numerous things...::Sighs:: And I am so fucking tired of Micheal coming over here every fucking day. I barely got settled in before he comes ringing the doorbell. I am so tired of hearing his voice. My mother would get so much crap done if he didn't come over for one day. One day!! That's all I ask. I am tired of seeing him. She never does anything during the week, then expects me to do stuff. I don't see the point unless she does something. I hate living here for that reason. That's one reason why I want to move out: I would so do stuff differently if I lived on my own. Oh, and she's pissed at me now because I didn't answer her TM, which was asking me if I wanted a lil pizza from Taco Bell. What the hell, I was at work! When I looked at the time, I was actually doing the game at work when she sent it. She sent a second one too, stating that forget it, I'll have to get something around the house AGAIN, which actually I would have recieved just as it all ended. I don't think it's fair that she expects me to be clutching my phone every waking moment that I am at work. I am so FUCKING TIRED of scrounging something to eat around here. I'd like a fucking home cooked meal, you know? I really hope that I get sick, sick with something that I require a good diet for. Because obviously, me telling her that I want a good meal isn't enough. post comment

This kind of sounds like I'm bitching, so watch out.... [02 Nov 2005|06:07pm] [ mood | Sit down & let's have a talk ] [ music | Oath to Order~Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask Orchestrations ] Whooo...I'm sitting here with a cat in my lap...and boy, is it warm. ^^ I had a pretty good day today, I guess. Dr. Remler pissed me off, though. I tried to get her to approve of me using tutoring Kavie's son in Algebra in community service. I thought that would be a good thing and end the worrying...but noooooooooooo....it's not because he's not less fortunate and it's not helping the community. ::Sighs:: I can see why she said it, but I also think it's wrong. Anyways, I think that Community Service shouldn't be require for a grade or to pass to the next level. I have no desire to do community service because of this kind of crap. I feel like I'm obligated to do it, so it's not giving me that warm, touchy feeling that I should be feeling. Which reminds me, I still have a research assignment to finish for her that's due Friday. I'm thinking of changing the whole paper, since I feel so strongly this way. I'm still thinking about it. I did my practice Algebra test and I made an 84%. Not bad, better than my last ones, I think. I think I could have done better, but my test is this Friday, so I shouldn't complain. I have to prepare for that. O.o; I also think that Dr. Hadavas can see the progress we make because he came over and made me go to a previous problem and correct an answer. I appreciate the help, but I thought it was a practice test, not something you can get help from the teacher on. Work was work, though I suddenly got angry for no reason there. I think it's funny on everything that goes on there, even though I work there and it's likely that it'll affect me, but oh well. Mr. Bob is willing to take a puppy. YAY!!! ;_; That means we'll have 5 to get rid of now, since he's wanting the biggest pup. Suddenly, I feel like I am a crap friend to Madison. And I can understand why. I leave at 11:00 at night when I could possibly stay on for a little longer. After all, sleep is just sleep. 6:00 a.m. doesn't come that fast. And sometimes, I can't find the words to say to offer my sympathies or advice on the problems she's having. Which leaves me feeling like a dumb over cliched arse. I bought the jacket because I wanted her to have it, and I know she's enjoying it. I'm happy that I did it, and I'd like to do something else for her, but I have no idea since she doesn't tell me many things that she wants. o.O; ...I like to buy things for people I like. She's my best friend, even if she doesn't see me as her best friend anymore. I don't want to lose a great friend like her. And lastly, it has come to my attention that I complain quite a bit to a few people. I'd like to offer my apologies, but first I must list what my brain is currently worrying about: My dad is diabetic and cannot work, let alone stand for 20 minutes without being in pain. My dad is also waiting on getting approved for social secuirty as well as VA, and since he cannot work, his household is in desperate need of money. My stepmother is a lazy ass who'd rather sleep all day that bring home money for the financial starved household. My mother rants about her work everytime we are in the car together. I get yelled at when she's drinking too much. Michael comes over way too much, it feels like he's her boyfriend again, and I despise that thought dearly. College has begun to put so much stress on me, I feel the imaginary bricks of stress piling upon my shoulders. I am way behind in Art Appreciation work that I fear that I may not catch up to a passing grade. I am constantly being chided and told to pick a major so I can start on my career. I am constantly being told to get a boyfriend, which I want one, but the right one. I'm always pissing someone off someway, so I usuall worry about that.These are the things that are weighing on my mind everyday and I desperately need a way to vent. So please excuse me if I complain about these issues, or any isssues in my life. I am like every other human being; I must complain. I am ruled by my emotions, so I tend to rant before I think about it. Why don't I just stop telling people? I did that once. I burst into tears in my A.P. English class when I was handed ten essays to do. I can not do that again. From now on, I will try to keep my complaining down in converstaion to a minimal, but you can bet your ass that I will be bictchin' up a storm on this thing if I need to. If it sounds like I'm trying to say that I've got the worst life, it's not. I know I don't. I know I have people that love me and stuff, but sometimes you just have to say bad things about your life when people ask how it's going. This is not meant to offend anyone, it's just a statement. And to the person that I complain so much to that your ears fall off....I'm sorry and thank you for telling me to stop complaining.  post comment

Video Games and Halloween are to be praised... [01 Nov 2005|07:56pm] [ mood | H.U.N.G.R.Y. ] [ music | I forgot to turn something on ] @_@;....I...am...H.U.N.G.R.Y. Seriously, I am. The dog ate all the bread. -_-;....including the sandwhich and hot dog buns so that eliminates the easy choices for food. I had a salad today at the Pizza Hut Buffet, so that rules that out. Besides, I think it's pretty old now. The Ravioli I had last night had a sweet aftertaste to it, so that rules that out now. Soup can only fill you up so much, and chips don't go well by themselves, so my dinner has now been confined to the Rice Krispies Treat that I just ate. ;_;...boy, dinner went fast. Why don't we have better food here? My mother decides to put off the grocery store for another night. ::Sighs::...it doesn't take a genius to figure out why we eat unhealthily. Things have been pretty busy since I last wrote last. Okay, maybe not really, I've just been too lazy to write something in here. Heh. Sounds like my excuse for not doing homework. Puppies: We now have six instead of nine; three died. The little runt boxer died, which we were, sadly, expecting it to. The other two however, did not have to die. They died by getting stabbed in the stomach by the mother's toenails when she jumped up after my Rowan. I felt so sorry for the little puppies; after the third one's death, I stayed home from school. I wish I could have gone instead, but no harm done. School work: ...Help me. I have just realized how much that I have to do now, and the stress is climbing. Especially for Art Appreciation, a course that I've hardly done a thing in. I have two collages to finish, a "musuem" to go to and sketch a picture or something, and recreate a photograph. ::Sighs::...and I have community service for English, which I was suddenly struck by an idea on how to get out of it easily. I hope it works; we'll see tomorrow. I don't have to worry about History or Algebra since I just have to take notes and study for tests. I made an 85 on my History Exam. ^^ I thought I would have done worse. Work: Work's fine. Usually, I just mail out things, that's the way things have been going for the past few days. That'll supposedly change tomorrow, though. Man... I finally got my namebadge today. It's magnetic...Ooohh...shiny...I wore cat ears to work on Halloween. I was told by many I was cute. ^^ Social life; Oh, it's the same. I spent the night at Maddy's Saturday night to go to a party on Sunday night. Honestly, the best part of the weekend was just hanging out with her in her room. She drew some stuff, which is just awesome. She also wants to start on a comic of mine and her bishies, something that I wanted to have for a while. ;_; I wish I could help, though. The only thing I could do would be to write summaries or bio's or something like that. I hope she does stick with it. Oh and the party....well...I certainly did not feel like I belonged, even though I was in costume like nearly everyone else was (A black robe with a cross with crystals in it; I guess it would be a priestess). I felt like I was hindering Maddy's time with her friends. Some of them looked at me like.."WTF? What the hell are you doing here? Go away." That's just my opinion, though. It could be that they were nervous and didn't know how to take me. Honestly, though, it would have been more fun for me to spend that evening just hanging with Maddy at her house. I'm not sure, but I don't think she had much fun there either, which is probably my fault. ^^; ALL HALLOW'S EVE: ;__; ...this year was the first year that I have not gone trick-or-treating. Oh, I miss it. I miss you, sweet candy...I miss skipping around the neighborhood, dressed in a guise from which no one would know who I was, collecting goodies from houses that beckoned with the small light beside their door. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year, you see. It's not because I worship Satan or anything. Far from it. I love being able to dress up weirdly and see how everyone else dresses up. I love the creepiness, the mysteriousness that this holiday brings. I always told myself that when I get my own house, I'm getting scary decorations; none of that cute scary crap. It'd be nice to do a haunted house, but I don't know if I'm clever enough to do one of those. Anyways....all I did for this Halloween was watch Resident Evil as the scary Halloween movie. Sadly, there was nothing on TV worth watching. No Nightmare Before Christmas, or any of the other good movies that I grew up on. It's sad. I am making a vow right now, that next year will not turn out like this. I WILL do something different, even if it is handing out candy while watching a scary show. I MUST participate in HALLOWEEEN!!! (Still hungry) I am so counting down the days from when I get out of this semester. I told myself that after exams, I am going to try to get a day off just for myself, where I can do something incredible lazy. Or play games. I miss playing video games. Oh games and Halloween...how I have forsaken thee when I meant not to...;_; ::sniffs:: post comment

Puppies and Costumes are a busy weekend. [23 Oct 2005|09:01pm] [ mood | PUPPIES!! ] [ music | Zelda music ] Whew...it's been too busy for a weekend. And there is a kitten in my lap. ^^; Michelle, Devon, Ashley, Joey, [that's the stepfamily] and I ran around all day Saturday looking for a costume for darling little Ashley. Hah. I can't believe Michelle has the nerve to go out and try to buy that girl a costume when they've got all these money problems. She insisted that the costume was only $20 though. So we go to Party City to get it. Out of her size. Great. We take a detour to Petsmart. Saw all the cute animals. Broke my heart, so I gave $2. Ended up with a raffle ticket for a kaelidoscope. o.O;; Finally got to where I wanted to go: the Flea Market. Saw my cousin Adam and his friend Jared there. Jared started kind of hitting on me which kind of scared me. I bought what I was going to use for a tunic, and started to have second thoughts on being Link for Halloween. By the time we got to ACME, I was almost positive I wanted to be something else. Sad, isn't it? Saw nothing there worth wearing to the party that Maddy's friend is having. Well, nothing under $100. O.o; I did see the Gunblade there, which surprised me. Lindsay did nothing to help find Ash a costume. So she started to sniffle. I once again reiterated my offer of letting Ash borrow my witch costume for her little dance. She considered it and so did Michelle. So we left to go to grocery store and then home. All the while at home, Ash started dropping hints that she didn't think that I could get her that costume on time, plus she kept saying "I wanted the other one, though". *sigh* You can't please everyone obviously. There is no pleasing that child. She is spoiled rotten. She'll probably tell her mom she doesn't like my witch costume. I could care less at the moment. She doesn't need to buy a costume since her mother does not have the money to be doing that now. After that, I just watched Devon and Joey play Mario Baseball. I started commentating and making fun of them while I did that. It was fun. I tried to play it, but I suck, so I need to practice. Won't do that till I buy it though. So besides all that, Riza has had her puppies this weekend. Nine total. She took two two hour breaks in between there somewhere. Can you imagine? Taking a two hour break then popping out another baby? O_o; Egh. We have a runt of the litter, too. Poor thing, she's so small and cold compared to the other puppies. We think she might not last the night, but mom did try to feed her with a dropper. Hopefully that'll help. O_o; Someone, take a puppy. post comment

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