So yes, the verdict is final, the last CT is indecisive, the many seizures and the fact that my coordination is even worse than it used to be, not to mention the recurring headaches all point to one direction. MRI Tuesday morning 7:30 a.m. I am scared.

I had several occasions being in remission. None lasted this long. Almost two months now. Please, let me be just clumsy, stupid, retarded, anything... But please, God, don't play any more tricks on me. I'm tired. I'm scared. I need to take care of my family.

I am selfish.