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Tuesday, November 30, 2004
11:01AM - another mom thing
well, all is well and im back in school, well things are not really well. my mom bascilly said she doesn't like my best friend annie anymore, which kinda sucks mayjor. i dont know what do.we dont have an extra 3rd friend that could be are middle person. most of my so called other friends are either too scaried of my mom or she doesnt know or wont like them either. life sucks. I cant just cant stop talking to ann bc of my mom annie is my friend. so now we aren't gay lovers no more just she dont like annie anymore. which isnt fair. that night my mm called me a whole of things and keep saying tht i was a liar. i cried my lil eyes out. when annie called she doged her out it was really sad, and 4 what? nothin'. my mom isjust bing lame thats all. I hope this goes away soon. i hate my mom being md @ me but this isn't worth losing my best friend over.
Current mood: 
aggravated
Current music: drop it like its hot
Thursday, November 18, 2004
10:58AM - happy days now.
i just found out that chris is in the same school that I am in . these are happy days now. ^_^ i am so happy i dont know what to do. i might throw a party. yippie. it's just now that i know i will have to run into him way more.
Current mood: 
happy
Current music: o-town :i should her
Sunday, November 14, 2004
3:14PM - busy, busy ,busy
went to the movies last night with annie and manda and mommy. tell more tmo. but im am still scared of the demon baby. am at work but not much work is getting done its too much and there are only two of us. dumb barb. oh well .
Current mood: 
busy
Current music: nothin' @ work ..well people
Thursday, November 11, 2004
12:35PM - im back...yah!! ^_^
well, im back after beening "sick" for two days. nobody missed me,i dont think they even noticed that i was gone. dumb jerks. oh well i guess in a way i dont want them to care..they barely care about them selves...so im really am a big nobody to them. yes!!!! well mr.csanyi still isnt back yet. he wont be back till tmo. but the sick thing is because i dont get sick, just really bad headaces...thats all. i still kinda have it but that normal. i have one about everyday.
Current mood: 
creative
Current music: taking back suday-A Decade Under The Influence
Monday, November 8, 2004
1:12PM - welp, another day of jimmy's but.
another day of seening the dumb couple jimmy and erika.make me sick..im so tried of looking at jimmy's butt as i walk up the stairs...geez, he doesnt even have one, a butt that is. so dumb. he super tall ,like 6'2 and she is 5' maybe even 4'7 and he is all bend all the way down to kiss her. gross idiots.
Current mood: 
annoyed
Current music: brand new -Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades
Friday, November 5, 2004
12:33PM - Subject: chris sighting. ^_^
OMG i just saw chris *_* in the hallway coming out of his class when i was takening a note down to my studyhall teacher saying i was up here yesterday 0_0 and that i would be up here today..man is he like the sweeties guy ever ^_^. i mean he look cute but he is really nice....he just doesnt know that im alive,thats all. X_X
Current mood: 
contemplative
Current music: Aaliyah- rock the boat
Thursday, October 28, 2004
2:27PM - I dont wanna grow up im a ..........
I think my parents my be the reason that i just don't think that being married works...i mean, i dont think you should have sex with out being married but seening how their marriage is just going down the drain....how it was never really write after 10 years...10 years of wasting my life on someone and after that im just suppose to be okay..heckie no,it doesn't work like that. I dont know..i pray for the guy who i will marry.He doesnt even know what gonna hit him. poor guy.
Current mood: 
sympathetic
Current music: Britney spears- toxic
10:33AM - about to give up
Im about ready to give up on life and everything that life holds...scotty keeps saying that im barly 17 and i haven't really lived life yet so i cant give up till Im 5o...I say why wait till then? everything is going wrong now not then...but it still might be going wrong then too. well annie is about to be leaving but its okay....i'll just hang out w/ Hunter till she gets back.
Current mood: 
cold
Current music: breaking Benjamin- Polyamorous
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
7:51AM - WHY, OH WHY
THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD...LINKIN PARK IS HAS A SONG WITH JAY-Z .....WHATS WRONG WITH EVERYONE..
Current mood: 
crazy
Current music: nothin'
Thursday, October 21, 2004
2:09PM - wasting is bad but..
well, this is suppose to be my last year in high school but it sucks way too much. just looking around i feel so out of place.I mean i know that a lot of kids feel out of place but i really feel it. i mean . i tried to not think about how dumb this place is but its not working. i just was walking about past the display and its was clear and you can see your self in it and i was looking at how fat and ugly i am...now i know when annie read this later she is gonna find me and slap me and tell me that im not ugly but it just really feels that way. i dont know what im gonna do..i guess im getting kinda use to it. well now i feel like im just babbling so im gonna go update more later.
Current mood: aggravated
Current music: sub talkin'
1:05PM - talkin'
ann was acting kinda weird yesterday, she keep wanting to talk about me...i dont do that. i hate talking about myself and all that goes with that. Im not a big on self type person. Maybe that why some guys dont talk to me. i dont know what it is i just dont like talkin' about my self to anyone. and annie is my best friend and i still dont like talking about my self to her.but hey, she doesnt really talk about her self to me.I mean why should i be all sharing time if she doesnt really talk to me either. i guess we are gonna have to work on that. maybe we should try to just talk about are selves for like a week or somethin' i don't know because even around my friends i feel like an outsider.
Current mood: 
geeky
Current music: linkin park -Krwlng
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
1:23PM - on and on and on and on
Mr. csanyi is being very mean today he is yealling at the kids...not me, I have said much of two words since i got here..i kinda lost the will 2 talk to anyone.I'm not bit on the talkin' factor. Im more like anit-people. but then again im anit a lot of things..um...
Current mood: 
bored
Current music: music: U2-Vertigo.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
1:01PM - i cant belive....
( this is from what i posted yesterday) 10:58am 15/10/2004
she lied...she fucking lied to me, i can't belive...sorry i usual don't cuss. i hate cussing but she lied to me. she is suppose to be my best friend yet she couldn't be desen't enuf to just tell me that she wasn't a christan. hey, I'm not the best christan out there. i mess up, i have lied. i done a lot of things but this girl just flat out lied to me, why? did she think i couldn't handle it, uh? is that it..becuz if thats its that a load of shit. i will give her the chance to explain herself. maybe that just what her parents are and she has to live in their house so she has to follow their rules. i just so hurt right now. i cant belive it. why? uh? she could have just told me.How could she....i love her like a sister, i share everything with the kid. What the fuck did i do for this shit? i can't belive it...and what about scott?david?all the rest of her friends did they lie to me too? i cant belive i was gonna do bible study with her, with them. im gonna talk to her..i hope she tells me the truth. but maybe this is why we never talked about god or why she didn't celebrate Christmas like me...man I'm a damn idiot. why did not I see the signs...shit.I'm so fucking slow.
Current mood: 
pissed off
Current music: Enminem- Guility Conscience
Thursday, October 14, 2004
7:55AM - he wrote aww..man
dang, he wrote me...boo well not really. I like him a lot.. here is his email:
Thu, 14 Oct 2004 03:57:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "beau-ti-ful" <egotistical_beauty@yahoo.com>
Subject: *Sigh*..............
To: x_dont_fake_this@yahoo.com
This is definitely starting to wear me out. Talk to me (I might start crying for real...wait, no. no nevermind *smile*) Babe. Whats up? Is there a problem that I dont know about. A problem that I shouldnt know about? Your not dying r u? Oh No Your Dying And You Just Cant Bare To Watch Me Watch You Die. Thats the reason isnt it. *hysterical crying* Oh no I love you, babe dont die. *sniffle, sniffle. loud blowing of the noise*
Love Scotty
Current mood: 
indescribable
Current music: chris talking on tv
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
8:31AM - I win...
well scotty has not emailed me...maybe he gave up...ha ha, i win this time ^_^
Current mood: 
cheerful
Current music: Ann Hathaway- somebody to love
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
11:00AM - missing scotty
well scott knows that im avoiding him...here is his email.poor little sex god.( sex god- a guy who is super good looking..not that you really want to have sex with him)
Tue, 12 Oct 2004 03:55:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: "beau-ti-ful" <egotistical_beauty@yahoo.com>
Subject: sniffle...
To: x_dont_fake_this@yahoo.com
Wow your like really avoidin me.....That kinda sucks. I guess I am going to have to write your inbox. Does this make you feel accomplished. Well maybe I should read your journal to find out whats up with ya. I dont know whats up but I hope that eventually you'll be okay and come back home...sniffle, sniffle. Bangings no fun when its one person. Just joking.
Scotty
Now i feel bad...bad me.
Current mood: 
disappointed
Current music: Ms.Jade- Big Head
Monday, October 11, 2004
1:57PM - just one..
quiz
You came from heaven. Your gole in life is to help
others and to make the world a better place.
Some call you weak, but in reality your soul is
very strong. If only more people were like
you...
Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla
Current mood: 
hyper
Current music: nothin'
1:17PM - Ubbi Dubbi ...heh, heh, heh
wubell hubere ubis muby jubournubal ubupdubate ubin Ububbubi Dububbubi frubom zuboom. subo yubeah, scubott ubemubail mube bubut ubi dubidnt ubemubail hubim buback bubecubuz ubim ubin ubavuboid mubode. bubad mube, ubi'll ubemubail hubim lubatuber, hube ubis wubay tubo subezuby tubo ubavuboid fubor lubong. uband hubere uberubicuba ubis hubere trubyubing tubo dubecubode muby ububbubi Dububbubi mubessubage bubecubuz shube ubis wubay tuboo bubored.
if you want to know what it says you have to go to zoom website
http://pbskids.org/cgi-registry/zoom/ubbidubbi.cgi
and decode my jouranl update.Ha Ha Heh, Heh.
Current mood: hyper
Current music: Dance With Me- Debelah Morgan
Wednesday, October 6, 2004
8:17AM - another wednesday....
well, here i am again...another wednesday....oh well, i cant believe im here again...i think i have a problem...i think scotty might think of as a little cute kid instead of a sexy-like woman...well, okay i'll admit im not sexy but still i don't want him thinking that i'm a little kid. but anyway we got a tight sub teacher today...she seems sweet and talks alot..but now that i think about it, i have to go to study hall today..darn it.
Current mood: busy
Current music: sub-talkin'(she is cool)
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
6:03PM - go home
I get to go home.. yah
Current mood: happy
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